


A Princess Story

by Drizzt_Do_Urden



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Fantasy, Foul Language, Literature, M/M, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drizzt_Do_Urden/pseuds/Drizzt_Do_Urden
Summary: An Avatar: The Last Airbender AU. Also, a parody of Anastasia and satire on princess story tropes. I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or its characters.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> An Avatar: The Last Airbender AU. Also, a parody of Anastasia and satire on princess story tropes. I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or its characters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An Avatar: The Last Airbender AU. Also a parody of the plots that tend to happen in any work surrounding the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanov. You know, the ones where Anastasia is an amnesiac and believes herself to be a different person, but since she resembles, well, herself, a con man or two tries to use that to con the Dowager Countess out of X amount of rubles.   
>  In general, this is also a satire of princess stories, namely, princess geared towards women where the politics of being a princess and brutal realities of monarchies are completely ignored in favor of wish fulfillment.

Prologue 

 

The Avatar's role was to keep balance between the Water Tribes, the Fire Nation, the Earth Kingdom, and the Air Nomads. But one hundred years ago, Fire Lord Sozin had killed off all the Air Nomads, and the Fire Nation embarked on a mission: conquer the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes.

The Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom also had a mission: make sure they did not get conquered. These two conflicting missions resulted in the Hundred-Year War. Meanwhile, the Avatar had not been seen since the destruction of the Air Nomads. He had yet to be reincarnated into any of the three remaining nations. The world was out of balance.  
Then, one day, while out fishing, two otherwise un-extraordinary peasants from the Southern Water Tribe did something that would change the world forever. Sokka, a fifteen-year-old boy who thought he knew everything, infuriated his younger sister, Katara. Katara, with the power of Waterbending, or, manipulating the element of water, accidentally cracked a wall of ice open, and a gigantic ball of ice floated to the surface. Curious, Katara cracked open the ball of ice with her brother's spear, and out came a twelve-year-old Airbender and his flying bison. Said Airbender turned out to be Aang, the Avatar that had been born into the Air Nomads a hundred years ago. Katara and Sokka then proceeded to leave their lovely home in the freezing South Pole with Aang to embark on a great quest. to teach Aang how to master bending fire, water, and earth, and to save the world from the Fire Nation.  
For a twelve-year-old and two peasants who had never left home before, they made a surprising amount of progress. Not only did they NOT get themselves killed immediately, Katara and Aang managed to learn some Waterbending from ancient scrolls, (alas, Katara had no idea how to Waterbend, because due to the war, everyone who could Waterbend in her tribe was gone). They even got all the way to the North Pole, where they found the Northern Water Tribe- which was far wealthier and better off than the Southern Water Tribe. Not only that, but they got a real Waterbending master to teach them, and Katara actually mastered Waterbending! And Sokka started to develop a little romance with their Princess Yue. 

Unfortunately, they did not make any more progress. For the Fire Nation still wanted to conquer people. One of their admirals in particular, Admiral Zhao, had made up his mind to invade and conquer the Northern Water Tribe and conquer them. He planned to accomplish this by killing a certain white koi fish in the Northern Water Tribe's Spirit Oasis, which so happened to be the Moon Spirit. And he almost succeeded. The Fire Nation soldiers found it an easy task to defeat the Northern Waterbenders, and Zhao made it all the way to the Spirit Oasis, and was about to kill the Moon Spirit when...  
Well, chaos happened, and the result was, Zhao did not kill the Moon Spirit, but he did succeed in conquering the Northern Water Tribe. And the Princess Yue was lost forever.  
I know what you are thinking, dear reader. Why do we give a damn about what happens to Yue? She hasn't done anything except be Sokka's girlfriend in that one particular sentence! Please, tell us what happens to Katara! What happens to Sokka? Do they survive? What about Aang?  
In that regards, I am sorry, dear reader. I would love to tell you what happens to the characters that aren't royalty, the ones that are doing the important things that drastically alter global politics, but unfortunately, this is a princess story. That means anything that is actually politically relevant must go completely out the window. Women, apparently, do not get involved in politics, even if they are potential heirs to a monarchy.  
And thus, because it is the appropriate thing to do, I will now turn your attention to a situation happening three years after the fact, in an Earth Kingdom village, which involves two con men attempting to pull off a grand scheme involving an amnesiac princess, ten million gold coins, and her stony-hearted, jaded fiancé, who has seen too many schemes like this before and will be very hard to convince.  
No, unfortunately, the fiancé is not Sokka. He's Lord Hahn, and Lord Hahn’s the sort of man who princesses are always arranged to be married to, but whom they never actually love. But that doesn't matter, because both of the con men are charming rogues, and at least one of them will end up romancing the princess.  
So with that, let us go to Chapter One!


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are introduced to Jet, a reformed, former freedom fighter who has put aside his violent ways and become a con man. He has a partner, Li, who is an amnesiac former member of the Fire Nation army. Jet introduces a scheme to scam ten million gold coins out of Lord Hahn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you know, it is always the goal of the con men in a story about Anastasia Romanov being alive to become rich. Their marks feelings be damned; wealth is more important. A sympathetic character trait, truly, and how ideal for a romantic lead! (Heavy on the sarcasm in that last sentence).  
> Jet's image of what is a princess is undoubtedly what most Americans think of as a princess- and this image, whether truthful or not, is somewhat dangerous because it helps people sweep the realities of monarchical systems under the rug in princess stories.  
> The "Prince and the Pauper" plot that Jet references is also common in princess stories.

"I have an idea!" Jet cried, jumping up from his seat.  
His partner, Li, groaned and slumped onto the kitchen table, where he was working out their bills. Paying for groceries, medical emergencies, and the rent was not an easy task, especially when one had little funds to cough up, and as Li was the more educated of the pair, the management of their finances fell to him. Scamming was not an easy business, nor was its income reliable; the money came in clumps, and most of the time, the pair was flat broke.  
"Another scam?" he moaned. "Jet, why don't we try something different? Something that is actually productive and useful to society. I mean, when it comes to the pillaging and looting department, the bandits already have that covered. And honestly, I think we're running out of wealthy old nobles anyway. Maybe we could try-"  
Jet groaned inwardly. Here it was again, the let's-try-honest-work speech. Li always made this speech whenever the money from their last scam had just run out and he had to work out the bills. The song was always the same. Li would suggest they put their fighting skills to use by joining the Earth Kingdom Army. That way, they'd both be getting paid and helping out in the war effort against the Fire Nation. And, as always, it was up to Jet to explain why that was impossible.  
"For the last time, Li, the army is not going to willingly allow a former Fire Nation soldier to join their ranks," he interrupted, rolling his eyes, as he paced about their small room. "Especially one that appeared to have been a very high-ranking officer. You could have retrograde amnesia, anterograde amnesia, both at the same time- it doesn't matter. You're still Fire Nation."  
Jet bit down on the piece of wheatgrass in his mouth and let out a sharp breath. He had long since ceased to wonder at the irony of a Fire Nation officer wanting to help defend the Earth Kingdom against his own people. Now Jet just cursed his partner's unrelenting obsession with honor silently inside his head.  
"Hell, I didn't want to work with you when I first found you lying in that alley," he continued. "And if it weren't for that head injury and your 'I don't remember my past' story, I would never have started working with you."  
Especially not since I'd been fighting against your kind for most of my life until I was ousted by the Avatar and his friends, Jet thought to himself.  
"Actually, I was going to suggest that we work in a tea shop or something," Li corrected, lifting his head off the table. "It wouldn't be nearly as much money as the bundles of money that we get from scamming, but it'd be steady income, and we wouldn't have to worry about rent."  
A tea shop? Well, that was certainly something. In the three years Jet had known Li, never had he ever suggested doing something as remotely menial as that. It just wouldn't suit a high-ranking Fire Nation officer like himself. Neither of them had any idea how high-ranking Li was, but that didn't matter. He was a man of rank, and it was not befitting of a man of rank to serve lowly peasants tea.

Jet burst into laughter. After a while, he wheezed,  
"You know, that's actually a better idea than working for the army. Except that no tea shop owner would want to hire the leader of a band of terrorists."  
"Were the Freedom Fighters terrorists?" Li asked.  
Jet sighed and massaged his temples. As far as Li knew, Jet had formerly been the leader of the Freedom Fighters, a band of plucky orphans who'd fought against evil Fire Nation troops in order to liberate the Earth Kingdom. It was a simplistic story, and one that Jet had himself believed. Until, that is, he'd tried to flood a Fire Nation town of innocent civilians and the Avatar and his two friends had stopped him...  
Naturally, Li did not know about that. Jet hardly thought a Fire Nation officer would be able to stomach working with a man who'd tried to slaughter his own people. He'd probably hate Jet as fiercely as Jet hated the Fire Nation for all the pain they'd caused over the century. Not only that, Jet could hardly stomach what he'd tried to do himself. If it weren't for the Avatar...  
Jet shuddered to think about it.  
"To most people, they were, thanks to all the propaganda spread by the Fire Nation army," he replied quickly.  
Jet clasped his hands together and took a deep breath in. What was done was done. The only thing to do was move forward- with a plan Jet knew would change both of their lives forever.  
"Anyway- the fiancé of the famously white-haired Princess Yue of the Northern Water Tribe, Lord Hahn,” Jet explained, “ who currently resides in the city of Ba Sing Se, has offered ten million gold coins to anyone who can find his long-lost beloved."  
"Well, he's offering it in vain, because the princess is probably dead," Li remarked darkly. "I mean, think about it. Admiral Zhao 's just taken over as ruler of the Northern Water Tribe, established a military junta-what's his first priority? Find and kill any heirs to the throne."  
"That is of no concern to us," Jet replied, grinning from ear to ear. He took out a flyer from within his shirt, opened it up, and chuckled.  
"Why wouldn't it be? If your plan is to find the princess and return her, then her death should-"  
Jet scoffed as he rolled up the flyer into a scroll.  
"Oh, Li. We don't need a real, actual princess. We just need a Water Tribe girl with white hair whom we can dress up, give a few princess lessons to, and hand over to Lord Hahn down in Ba Sing Se,"  
Here Jet put the flyer down on the table, and then exclaimed suddenly,  
"In exchange for becoming absolutely filthy rich!”  
Jet grinned, imagining himself just what he would do with all that money. A mansion in the countryside…decorated with jade and silk tapestries…surrounded by scantily clad handmaidens as he took his daily bath… staring at the sunset with Li on one of the mansion’s many balconies…  
Li just rolled his eyes. Always these elaborate schemes to make themselves "filthy rich". Never a simple plan to make themselves just financially stable. What was it with Jet and his fascination with absurd amounts of wealth?  
"Lord Hahn wouldn't be foolish enough to fall for a scam like that," he snapped. " Sure, we might be able to dye the girl's hair white, but we'd have a hard time finding a girl amongst the Water Tribe refugees with the exact same face as Yue, let alone the same personality- and we've no idea what she was like-"  
"You don't know anything about princesses, do you?" Jet cut in, exasperated.  
He chewed on his wheatgrass, and then mused,  
"Which is surprising, considering you're a high-ranking officer. Or I guess Fire Nation princesses are made differently than regular princesses. The thing is,"  
Jet took the wheatgrass out of his mouth, put it back in, and explained,  
"Princesses don't have personalities. All that's trained out of them from the moment they're born. By the time they're grown, they've got nothing but the standard princess personality- pretty, polite, kind, and most importantly, docile. They're not distinctive or unique in any way- they're just beautiful girls with courtly manners that wear crowns."  
"And how would a peasant boy like you know so much about princesses?" Li countered.  
This was an excellent point, one Jet probably should have heeded. Instead Jet shrugged.  
"It's common knowledge. At any rate, as I was saying, all we need to do is find a Water Tribe girl, dye her hair white, teach her some courtly manners, and have her say 'I love you' to Lord Hahn, and we're golden."  
Li sighed.  
"Alright," he agreed. "Suppose you're right about Yue and her lack of personality. Suppose we do find a Water Tribe refugee to go along with this. But there's still the problem of her face. We couldn't possibly find anyone who looks similar enough to Yue to be convincing."  
Jet's response to this legitimate concern was to smirk.  
"Oh, you'd be surprised by how similar humans are to each other..."  
And with that, the two con men set off into the city to kickstart our princess story, unaware that they'd be luckier than even Jet thought they would.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The con men meet Yuna, an amnesiac Water Tribe refugee who inexplicably has white hair. They save her from a baker whom she robbed, and rope her into their scheme.

    Chapter Two   

    Perhaps you have now changed your mind about these two con men. Perhaps you now find them to be interesting, deep characters whose stories you are now heavily invested in. That is understandable. I never told you much about the personalities of Sokka, Katara, and Aang, only what they did to get this story's setting going. But Jet and Li have personalities  _and_  backstories  _and_  personal problems to work out. They  _are_  interesting; it's too bad they're stuck in a boring princess story like this.

    Alas, that is the fate of many characters in princess stories; to be fleshed out, complex, and interesting, yet stuck in a silly plot that exists for nothing but wish fulfillment. Do not worry though; interesting things  _will_  happen to them. Not terribly exciting things like battles and coup d'etats- but interesting things nonetheless.

    Like, say, discovering a Water Tribe girl wearing nothing but rags and a circular gray-green pendant on a piece of dark blue ribbon around her neck, with long, flowing,  _white hair_. Exactly what they needed!  How lucky for them! 

    Unfortunately, she was, however, being manhandled by a baker, who was accusing her of stealing his sticky buns. 

    "I didn't do it!" she cried, struggling to get out of his grasp. "Let me go, you big oaf!" 

    The baker snorted. 

    "Yeah, right, you didn't do it." 

    In the baker's defense, the girl  _did_  have a ton of icing around her mouth, and her hands  _did_  look decidedly sticky. Not exactly the picture of innocence. 

    "I saw those grubby little fingers of yours pawing at my sticky buns, missy, just as I've seen them do every day," the baker continued. "And now that I've caught you, you're going  _straight_  to Mayor Lung!"

    "Mayor Lung? A little harsh for stealing sticky buns," Jet murmured nervously. 

    Li nodded in agreement. Mayor Lung was merciless in his punishment of thieves. Steal once, twenty strokes of the whip. Steal twice, a hand chopped off. Those were Mayor Lung's rules.

     _No one_  deserved a fate like that- especially if they only stole because they were starving refugees. Besides, she was  _perfect_  for the role. 

    With that, Jet walked up to the baker and barked,

    "You there! Let go of my errand girl!" 

    The girl stared at him, slack-jawed. Dazed, the baker loosened his grip on her slightly. 

     "Your... _errand girl_?" he cried. "I...I'm sorry, my good sir, but you must be mistaken. This girl is a thief-an impudent piece of  _vermin_!"

     Jet did his best to repress a smile. It was funny how clothing worked- wear your best clothes, and people had no problem believing you were a wealthy man. Wear rags, and they thought you were absolute scum.

    Jet glared at the baker and replied haughtily, 

    "I am  _not_  mistaken. She  _is_  my errand girl. And kitchen girl, and laundry girl...basically, my maid-of-all-work. Now, you will hand her over, or I will report  _you_  to Mayor Lung for mistreating my servant. Good servants are  _very_  hard to come by in this day and age, what with all the  _looting_  and  _pillaging_  and  _scamming_..." 

    "People these days seem to have lost all respect for their superiors,” Li broke in, scoffing.

    "Indeed, they have, my good friend," Jet agreed pseudo-mournfully, "Indeed they have."

    Jet turned his attention back to the baker and glowered at him. 

     "At any rate, peasant, hand her over, please.”

    The frightened baker let go of the girl and stammered nervously,

    "She's all yours, my lords. She's all yours." 

    Li sniffed disdainfully.

    "I should think she is. She  _is_  our servant, after all.

    With that, Li and Jet sauntered off, with the girl in tow. After they were a block or two away from the baker, she asked, curiously, 

    "So are you two actual,  _real live_ , nobles? Or did you just act like you were for my sake?" 

    The two of them chuckled. 

    "The latter,  _definitely_  the latter," Li told her.

    "But  _you're_  about to be the former," Jet added.  

    He whipped out a flyer from within his shirt.

    "You see," Jet began, "Lord Hahn of the Northern Water Tribe, who currently resides in the great capital of Ba Sing Se, has offered ten million gold coins to anyone who can find and return to him his long-lost Princess Yue-"

    "And you want me to be Yue for you," the girl commented dryly. "Sorry, no can do."

     Jet's jaw dropped.  

    "What?" he cried. "Why not? You're...you're a refugee, stealing sticky buns to survive!"

    "And that's because life in the North Pole is dangerous right now," the girl explained. "There's only a little dictator named Zhao living there with a military junta, and if I return to the North Pole calling myself Princess Yue, he is going to be  _out for my head_."

    "But...we're not taking you to the North Pole," Jet insisted. "Lord Hahn lives in Ba Sing Se." 

    The girl shook her head. 

    "Straight to the North Pole, a little detour to Ba Sing Se, same difference. If I come out and say I'm Princess Yue, eventually, someone will want me to return to the North Pole, and it'll be my head in exchange for you getting rich." 

    The girl took a deep breath in and sighed. 

    "Besides," she continued, "I'm not even Princess Yue. At least, I don't think I am. I don't remember anything about myself before three years ago when the Northern Water Tribe was invaded. The first thing I remember is climbing out of the Spirit Oasis soaking wet. So...I  _could_  be Princess Yue."

    The girl tapped her necklace. 

    "The only thing I have from my past is this. But I'm most likely not."

    These were very sensible arguments- no princess would want to lose her head to an evil dictatorship, especially if she was not really a princess to begin with. In any other story, Jet would have seen the sense of that, and decided that endangering an innocent girl's life in exchange for tons of wealth was unethical. The two con men would then have had to either had to appeal to her sense of patriotism, or solve their financial problems another way. Unfortunately, this  _is_  a  _princess_  story, and talking about the political ramifications of a crown princess returning to her military junta-run home country simply  _isn't allowed_. 

    So, rather than a princess being motivated to return home through a strong sense of duty to her people, and finding a way to oust a dictator, we have an amnesiac refugee agreeing to participate in scamming a heartbroken fiancé on the  _chance_  that she is a princess. Because she did agree, of course, or else the rest of this plot couldn't happen. 

    She told the two con men to call her Yuna, and together the three of them walked back towards Li and Jet's apartment and began to prepare for their con. 

    The very first thing, of course, was to get Yuna into a new outfit. An understandable motivation of course- she  _was_  living on the streets, after all. Alas, it wasn't as simple as her getting into a bath, borrowing some of Jet's or Li's clothes, and then moving on with the plot, as would be understandable. No, unfortunately, because this is a princess story, every outfit Yuna will be wearing henceforth shall be described in detail. Princesses do not wear clothes just for practicality, after all. Perish the thought of a female royal dressing in a practical or casual fashion! No, the only reason a princess gets dressed  _at all_  is for the vain purpose of bringing visual pleasure to others, and for the pleasure of wearing beautiful clothes. The only exception to this rule is if the princess is one of those nonconformist tomboys. A great deal of rebelliousness and feminist consciousness is necessary before a princess can wear something like  _pants_.

    So now we will describe the new clothes that Li bought for Yuna, in painstaking detail, and Yuna will wear them, because she cannot become a  _proper_  princess unless she constantly makes every effort to pretty herself up for every occasion.  

    Yuna's new gown was a lovely, beautiful shade of light blue, which looked absolutely  _stunning_  against her light brown skin, and matched her blue eyes. It was almost floor-length, with darker blue embroidery around the hem and long flowing sleeves, that also had dark blue embroidery around the cuffs. It opened in the front, and was tied in the front with a dark blue sash in a simple knot. She absolutely loved the new gown, although she did not understand why Li had to go ahead and plunk down all his money for it. Especially when he and his partner had such grave financial troubles to begin with. Not only that, but Ba Sing Se was miles and  _miles_  away. After Li had given her the new gown, Jet came in, admired her hair, and styled her hair into a top knot and two low-hanging ponytails. Because of course, princesses must fixate upon their hair as well as their clothes. Appearances are everything, even in exile amongst con men. 

    Now that the obligatory indulgence in pretty clothes is over, let us move on. The second thing that must happen is princess lessons, but I understand, dear reader, that you probably do not want to sit through princess lessons after all  _that_. So now let us introduce the antagonists. 

The antagonists we have here are a decent selection for a princess story. First, we have Crown Princess Azula of the Fire Nation... a  _very_  good choice, not because her people were responsible for the war  _and_  the military junta running the North Pole, of course, but simply because she is a woman involved with politics. I lied earlier when I said that in princess stories women can't get involved with politics...that is not true.  _Villainesses_  can, so long as the heroine can stop them in a way that doesn't require political involvement.  Second, we have General Iroh, whom, for this plot, will be our evil sorcerer. As controlling the four elements is something many do in this universe, an evil sorcerer is hard to come by. He will be our sorcerer because his elemental magic is more powerful than usual. Finally, we have Long Feng, an ambitious, evil tyrant who controls Ba Sing Se. He is our traditional nasty  _male_  politician, but he won't appear until the end because his politics involve more than just denying Yuna her chance to wear pretty dresses. So, without further ado, let us introduce Iroh and Princess Azula. 

  
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	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are introduced to the villains, and more, importantly, The Author, who finally makes an appearance. Princess Azula and her mild-mannered uncle, General Iroh, are minding their own business searching for the Avatar when The Author ropes them into being the villains by breaking the fourth wall.

Chapter Three  

               "This  _cannot_  be!" Iroh cried, dropping his newspaper to the floor.  
                "What can't be, your royal tea-loving kookiness?"  Azula remarked dryly, picking her nails. Spying on random Earth Kingdom citizens was rather boring, in her opinion, not to mention a waste of time better spent searching for the Avatar. But… each to his own, she supposed.  
               "She's  _alive_! The Princess Yue is  _alive!_ " Iroh exclaimed, gaping as he watched Jet fix Yuna's hair through the window.   
               Azula rolled her eyes.   
               "Alive, eh? That's funny. I guess being a crumpled up corpse on the ground doesn't equal being dead these days, does it?"  
               "Apparently not," Iroh murmured darkly.  
               Iroh turned away from the window, and sat down beside Azula at the kitchen table.   
               "I can't believe this," the fat old man gasped, trembling. "I saw her die with  _my own eyes_. I  _watched_ Zhao stab her. And yet...here she is, in the  _Earth Kingdom_  of all places, getting her hair fixed by that man!"   
               "That  _is_  odd," Azula mused, "But she's none of our concern."   
               "None of our concern! What do you mean?" Iroh demanded.   
               Before Azula could explain, however, the last few pages of this fanfiction floated from my grasp and onto the table in the apartment the two were renting for the night. Azula read them quickly and gasped.   
               "What?" Iroh asked, confused.   
               "We are characters in someone's fanfiction of something," she explained hastily. "And this fanfiction happens to be a princess story. About Princess Yue. And  _we_  are the designated villains. Which means we are now obligated to make Yue's life miserable until the author decides to end the fanfiction."  
               "Us? The villains?" Iroh cried, completely puzzled. "But why? As you just said, she's none of our concern."   
               "No, indeed," Azula replied. "We're on orders from my father the Fire Lord Ozai to hunt down the Avatar, the one person who could possibly put a stop to his evil reign. Princess Yue is just sitting there, getting impractically dressed up by some random peasants."   
               "So we have to find a reason to hunt her down," Iroh concluded, "And quick. Besides author's mandate. "   
                "Well... it says the Fire Nation was responsible for the military junta," Azula began. "So...my motivation could be stopping a rebellion. If...she successfully gets together with Lord Hahn, she could inspire a revolution in the North Pole, causing the Fire Nation to lose control and-"   
               "No!" Iroh cried. "Too political! This is a princess story!"   
               "Wha-?"  
               "Just...go with convention!" Iroh insisted. "We're already messing up by not having a reason..."   
               Azula rolled her eyes.   
               "Well, if you want  _conventional_ ," she snapped, obviously not thrilled at having to forgo her real mission without any real political excuse, "I could always pursue her because I think she's prettier than me."   
               Iroh frowned.   
               "No...you didn't  _look_  at her..."    
               Because I am eager to get on with this fanfiction, I decided to drop a note on the table. Azula picked up the note and read it.   
               " _That will do_ ," she read out loud. " _Jealousy is often a motivating factor in female villains, and many wonderful princess stories have had jealousy as a villainous motive for horrible things like abuse and even murder. Never mind that murdering the sole heir based on jealousy would end up hurting said villain in the long run."_  
               "Well, then, I guess we'd better head after Yue," Iroh decided jovially.   
     And now the stage is set. We have our princess, we have our villains, we have our plot. Soon we will have a predictable ending; but not yet.  
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	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jet and Li attempt to give Yuna the classic Lessons in Sophistication, with mixed results. Yuna convinces them to get on the road, and attraction is had. Azula sees Yuna for the first time, and almost backs out of being a villain, but The Author forces her to get with the program. Uncle Iroh then accidentally gives Azula an idea for dealing with Yuna.

 Chapter Four               

           Now that we have introduced the villains, I am afraid it's time for the princess lessons. Yes, I know, dear readers, but look on the bright side- Jet is a peasant who spent life in a forest fighting as a rebel. Li is an amnesiac former military officer. These people are obviously the prime candidates to instruct a girl in courtly etiquette. 

       "No offense," Yuna asked as she paced about their kitchen with a book on her head for the fifth time, "But aren't books for  _reading_? How often do rich people do this, anyway?"

           That was a very good point, Li realized as he attempted to sort out their travel papers.

           "Ummm...it's for...balance," he replied. "An exercise for balance."

           "But we've already gone over balance," Yuna complained. "How to hold my head, what comprises good posture- I've never had such good posture as I have in my life."

            "My dear, good posture is  _critical,_ " Jet said as he entered the room. "No one in their right mind would mistake a slouching girl for a princess. Why, the people of Ba Sing Se would simply laugh you out of the room before you even got to  _see_  Lord Hahn."

           "Uh...Right!" Li declared nervously. “A princess has got to look regal at all times!"

           "I'm sure that's true," Yuna acknowledged, "but still, I was hoping for something a little more...exciting."

           "You're right!" Jet declared, taking the book off of Yuna's head. "Now it's time for... _diction!"_

          "Diction?"

         "Well," Jet exclaimed. "You can't just look graceful, you've got to speak graceful also!"

        "Graceful _ly_ ," Li corrected, raising his eyebrow. "It's graceful _ly_."

        "Uh...right," Jet agreed, grimacing as he ran his fingers through his hair. "And on that note, Li will be your tutor for that subject." 

          ***           

         "I thank you for your time, sir," Yuna said regally, as she stared ahead at the fireplace.

          Li smacked his forehead.

        "No," Li cried. " _We_  thank you for your time. Not I,  _we_. The royal  _we_ , remember?" 

       "Oh," Yuna replied, eyes downcast. "Sorry.  _We_  thank you for your time, sir." 

       "Better. Now, from the top."

       "We thank you for your time, sir. Our Royal Highness has spent far too long away from my beloved fiancé."

       "From our beloved fiancé," Li corrected.

      "Right," Yuna said. " _Our_ beloved fiancé. It pleases Our Royal Highness greatly to see him again. I wish-"

       Yuna smacked her forehead.

       "Damn it, I said  _I_."

      "How's it going, my lady?" Jet asked as he walked in.

      Yuna sighed.

   "Horribly. I just don't- it's just so weird to refer to myself in the plural all the time." 

   Jet shrugged.

 "Well, that's just how royals roll, honey." 

 "Oh, well, at least it’s better than that stupid business with the pebbles in my mouth. Why’d we put those there again?”

    “To correct your accent,” Jet replied. “According to Li, it was much too informal. You didn’t sound enough like a princess.”

     Yuna rolled her eyes.

    “Is there anything else you guys can teach me?" 

  "You  _gentlemen_  can teach me," Li corrected. "You  _gentlemen_. A princess does not use slang."

  "Well... _gentlemen_ , we ain't," Jet replied, rolling his eyes. "But sure. How about... dancing?"   

   Li shook his head.

  "Not unless you happen to be an expert in traditional Water Tribe dances. Because I'm not."

   Jet frowned.

   "Good point. How about...table manners?" 

   Li gasped.

 " _Table manners? Table manners?"_ he bellowed _._ Are you serious? Not unless  _Yuna's_  the one teaching  _you_!"

  "Well, excuse me, Colonel Priss, but not all of us were born into hoity-toity aristocrat families!"

  "You- you-" Li fumed, storming over to Jet and glaring right at him. "Ugh! I don't even remember my family's  _names_ , let alone how rich they were!"

   "Well, you could have been!" Jet countered, putting his hands on his hips. "And you probably  _were_ , what with all your  _fancy talk_  and hoity-toity attitude!"

   Li seethed in fury. 

  "Well, at least I'm not gutter trash!" 

  "At least I'm not Fire Nation scum!" 

  "You-you little!" 

   It was at that point that Yuna realized they had nothing more to teach her. Nothing of value, at least, like say, military tactics or Water Tribe history or economics. The most these two could, or thought they ought to, teach her to do was to look pretty and act polite. And they probably couldn't even teach her how to do that right! Given that nations tend to have different cultures from one another- or they do, outside of European-based princess stories- for all Yuna knew, the etiquette she was learning could be considered terribly rude in the Water Tribe royal court.

    Besides, how much was referring to herself in the plural and balancing books on her head really going to convince Lord Hahn she was Yue? Doubtless, any random girl could learn how to do this...or try to, at least. Surely, Hahn knew that.  No lessons were really going to help her do this. The only thing that would really work was memory. Memory which, she, unfortunately, lacked. Because she might not really be the princess. Meaning all this nonsense might be for nothing.   Her only shot, really, was to _act_ like she remembered, and maybe, just maybe, the plan might work.

     Yuna squared her shoulders, took a deep breath in, and cleared her throat.

    "If it would please you, good gentlemen," Yuna began, channeling all she knew from Li's diction lessons, "I- Our Royal Highness would deeply prefer if you stopped squabbling like an old married couple and packed your bags. I-We tire of this tiny apartment, and desire greatly to see our fiancé once more."

    Both Li and Jet stared at her, their mouths forming perfect Os. 

     "I...I think she's ready," Jet cried.

   "Yes..." Li agreed," she's absolutely  _ready_." 

    Yuna was nowhere  _near_  ready, of course. She still had a long way to go with diction, and dancing, and, of course, all the necessary subjects a monarch would know in order to rule- oh, sorry, my dears. I forgot. This is a princess story. Keeping that in mind, since she's had her makeover and we've spent a few minutes covering her princess training, she is all set to go.

***

               After they'd packed, the three set off together upon their ostrich-horses for Ba Sing Se.

        All of Yuna's hair had been piled upon her head, and she wore a pristine white blouse, with a lovely white skirt that had a dark blue design at the hem, and a purple sleeveless jacket. She would have preferred for something more practical- after all, she was going to be sitting on an ostrich-horse for miles upon miles, and skirts are not exactly the greatest for riding. But Jet insisted. She was a lady, after all- she had to dress the part. This was the compromise. Part of it, at least. The other part was Li's outfit. If she had to dress like a lady, Yuna had argued, then Li, as a Fire Nation officer, ought to dress like an officer. Jet countered that the armor would terrify the locals. Li added that he didn't even know if Li was his real name- it was just something he and Jet made up- let alone his actual rank. But Yuna had put her foot down. If she had to dress impractically for the ride, so would Li. And thus Li's red armor was taken out after all that time being hidden away, and Li became an officer once more. At least in appearance.

       And what a fine appearance it was, Yuna thought to herself as she glanced at her traveling companion. Li was really quite handsome, what with his charcoal hair, amber eyes, and pale skin. Plus, his firm, taut body really made that armor look great.

      Jet wasn't half so bad either. Slim body, tan skin, chocolate eyes, chestnut hair...wow, he was  _quite_  a looker. 

 _Do I really want this?_  Yuna asked herself. Did she really want to end up married to a man she didn't even remember, who could look and act like anything from wonderful to horrible? Did she really want to risk being executed? Especially if she wasn't- she wasn't, you know, the actual princess? The short time she'd spent in Li and Jet's apartment, was, while often chaos, really nice. Yes, Li and Jet were con artists, but all and all, they weren't bad people. Why not just stay with them for a while longer-or maybe a lot longer? Hey- it was a roof over her head, and worst case scenario, they'd end up skipping town. Maybe she could even settle down with one of them, if things worked out that way.

      But...if Yuna was the princess, it was her duty to go back to her people. She couldn't just stay hidden in the Earth Kingdom while they suffered under Zhao. She had to go back.

        Meanwhile, while Yuna was thinking these deeply illicit and far-too-political thoughts, Azula was spying on them through her spyglass.

       "So,  _that'_ s the princess!" Azula cried.

      She put down her spyglass and sighed.

      "And...she is  _not_  prettier than I am," Azula continued. "I _thought so_.  _No one_  can beat Fire Lord Ozai's genes when it comes to sexiness!"

        Immediately after she said that, she couldn’t help but notice that the princess’s black-haired companion- the one in the Fire Nation armor- looked awfully familiar. She’d seen him before somewhere…but she couldn’t quite place where…  
       "So..." Iroh asked, interrupting Azula’s musings.  "What do we do now?"   
       "We go back to capturing the Avatar," Azula replied. "Of course."   
     Because this story needs to continue, and because I can't just bore you with princess lessons and sappy romance, I threw down yet another note, which Azula caught.   
     " _Just pretend like she is_ ," Azula read. " _You are the only credible threat I could muster. And remember, you are in my fanfiction now, so I control whatever you do._  Dammit! _"_  
       Iroh shrugged.   
       "Don't worry about it, my dear niece," he assured her. "She's just a regular girl. Surely we can come up with some half-assed revenge attempt and be on our way. Like...serving her bad tea!"   
        Azula rolled her eyes.   
       "Only you would give a damn about that, uncle. The only way this girl would care about tea is if we spilled some on..."   
      And then Azula had an idea.   
      " _That's it!_  I'll burn her face off! That'll ruin her average, not-as-sexy-as-me, so-called  _beauty_  and complete the mission!"  
       Iroh sighed.   
       "Only my brother," he murmured, "Only my brother could raise a child and teach her to think that's an okay way of dealing with problems."  
       As Azula laughed in sheer joy at the premise, he continued,   
      "I mean, he was bad  _before_  Lady Ursa's departure, but after he just became a complete monster."   
      Azula looked her uncle right in the eye, beaming with delight.   
       "Uncle, I never thought I'd say this before, but you are a  _genius_! An absolute  _genius_!"   
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	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jet reveals part of his past to Yuna, or tries to before Li spouts the exposition anyway. Jet proceeds to mock Li for being an amnesiac. Jet reveals he was adopted by the parents who died when he was eight that made him seek revenge (this is fanon made up by me). Jet denies that he is an orphan, Azula tries to kill Yuna with firebending, Jet saves Yuna, sexual tension happens between Yuna and Jet. Li dissolves Azula's flame, then sexual tension happens between Yuna and Li. Azula, her plan foiled, comes with a plan much too political for The Author's liking and thus The Author alerts the trio to Azula's presence. A chase scene happens, but Iroh dissuades Azula from further pursuit. The heroes go to one inn, the villains to another. Jet reveals the money is merely so he and Li can retire in style. Homoerotic conversation is had, in the style of super-close male friends. Yuna finally remembers something about her past.

Chapter Five

       "Jet, I've been meaning to ask you," Yuna began as the trio sat by the campfire that night, “Li said before you worked with him you were a...freedom fighter. Before the Avatar stopped you. What was your life...before that? I mean...what motivated you?"  
       Li rolled his eyes in disgust.  
       "Oh, don't get him started, Your Highness," he said as he poured himself a cup of tea. "It's a big, long, sob story about-"  
      Li switched to falsetto and continued,  
      "My parents died when I was eight when the Fire Nation burned down my village full of peasants and I had nobody in all the world until I found some equally tragic orphans like myself and together we formed a merry band of rebels and kicked the Fire Nations' ass."  
      Jet raised an eyebrow.  
      "Well," he snapped, "at least it's better than what you have. Which is- where's your family?"  
      Jet held his head in the air, and continued in imitation of Li's high-class accent,  
      "I don't know."  
      Jet said again in a normal voice,  
      "Or, hey- what's your name?"  
      Imitating Li's accent once again, he said,  
      "I don't know."  
       Yuna giggled.  
      "Or," Jet declared, standing up from the log he was sitting on, "how about- what are you doing in this back alley?"  
      Once again in mock imitation of Li's accent, Jet replied,  
      "I don't know."  
       Yuna continued to laugh even harder. Li glowered at him.  
     "Seriously."  
   Jet shrugged and sat back down.    
    "We should have named you I don't know, because that's all you can say to any question about your life. You're one gigantic big slate - or at least, you would be, if you didn't have pretentiousness and 'honor' and 'clearly high class' written all over you."  
      Jet turned to Yuna.  
     "Besides, Your Highness, it's not even true- at least, not the part about my parents. Well, not my biological parents, anyway."  
      Yuna's eyes widened.  
   "Who are your biological parents, then?" she asked slowly. "If...they weren't the farmers from your village, that is?"  
    Jet shrugged.  
    "I don't know," he confessed. "I was adopted when I was three. I honestly can't tell you what my life was like before that. My parents- my adoptive ones- they told me they found me wandering around, and just took me in."  
      Yuna smiled sadly.  
      "I guess...we're all just little lost orphans together then," she observed. "We don't have any past, or any family, or anything, really.  Just...each other."  
     Jet shook his head wildly.  
     "No. You're wrong. I'm not an orphan. Well- technically I am, I lost my parents- my adoptive parents- but that doesn't mean I'm nobody. I don't need parents to define who I am. I define who I am."  
       "That's a good sentiment to have," Yuna agreed. "One that I might need to adopt if it turns out I'm not Yue."  
       "But-you are Yue, Y-Your Highness!"  
        "I might be," Yuna replied. "Or I might not. I don't know. I don't have any memories of my past. All I remember is...waking up in a pool in the North Pole. For all I know, I could be her handmaiden. Or...some random peasant who just tripped and fell. And if that's the case, I need be prepared for that."  
       Yuna blushed.  
       "So...I was thinking," she began, "If...this doesn't work out...if Lord Hahn isn't convinced and we get chased out of the palace, I was thinking...maybe...I could join you and Li?"  
       "I-I'd like that," Jet stammered, his face turning red. "But- you're Princess Yue. You belong to Lord Hahn. We have to get you to- look out!"  
        For suddenly a burst of flame from the campfire flared up and threatened Yuna's life. Jet, thinking quickly, pushed Yuna to the ground, saving her life, and, unexpectedly, landing on top of her.  
        "I...I," Jet attempted to explain.  
        "Our...Royal Highness understands," Yuna replied, trying to summon some of that regal bearing she had only recently been taught. It, of course, did nothing to change the fact that Jet was right on top of her, or that they both were blushing, and certainly did not dispel the blatant romantic chemistry between them. Because of course, Yuna was attracted to Jet. He had many positive qualities: such as the fact that he was using her and risking her life to get rich, his profession as a con man, and his former profession as a possible terrorist.  
       Luckily for them, Li was a firebender, and with a wave of his hand, the flare-up disappeared, and the campfire went back to normal. Li then walked over to Yuna, offered his arm, and informed her:  
       "My lady. You are safe now."  
       "Yes," Yuna replied, blushing. "Thank you."  
        "You-you're welcome," Li stammered, noticing for the first time just how beautiful Yuna was.  
         Yuna grabbed his arm, and Li pulled her up to safety. They stared into each other's eyes for a while, and then Yuna glanced away and walked back over to her sitting place on the log.  
         I see you groaning back there, dear reader. Don't worry, I'm not setting up a love triangle between the leads. Yes, I know it seems that way, given that I just established romantic chemistry between all three of them.  But don't worry, I understand what a plot is. Speaking of which, we must be getting back to it.  
       The flare-up with the campfire was, of course, caused by Azula, who was hiding the bushes near their campsite with Iroh.  
        "Drat!" Azula exclaimed. "Now we have to think of something else!"  
         "I could just rush in and kill them all, but I have no idea what kind of fighters those two men with her are. Plus, it would probably be better if they didn't know someone was after them."  
          Azula's jaw dropped, a new idea suddenly dawning on her.  
          "Say...what if- I kidnapped the little princess and turned her over to Zhao? That would satisfy the revenge requirement, and-"  
           Before she could finish, I dropped another letter down, and Iroh caught it.  
           "It says," Iroh read aloud, "that you can't do that, because that idea is much too political and we're only on chapter five."  
           "Only on chapter five?" Azula moaned. "Man- I just want to find that writer and chop him or her up into itty-bitty pieces!"  
           Because I am the omnipotent writer and can do such things, I deliberately amplified the volume of Azula's voice so that it would carry all the way to the trio and alert them to her presence. Why they weren't alerted to her presence earlier, when she was talking so nearby? I don't know. Maybe Azula is very quiet. Or maybe I, as the writer of this sub-par fanfiction, decided to keep the leads in the dark for the sake of plot. We'll never know.  
          "We're not alone," Li declared. "Someone's nearby."  
           Jet, quiet as a cat, tiptoed over to the bushes, and out of the corner of his eye, spotted Azula and Iroh.  He immediately ran back to Li and Yuna and warned,  
        "It's Fire Nation! We've gotta run!"  
         Li wasted no time in beginning to pack up camp, Jet following suit. Confused, Yuna cried out,  
         "Wait! Li's a Fire Nation officer. Can't he just go up to them and-"  
          "Ex- Fire Nation Officer," Jet corrected.  
          "Yeah, plus, we don't know how far high up I was, or what I did during my time as one," Li informed her. “For all I know, I could be a wanted criminal."  
            "Oh."  
          And with that, the three of them were back on their ostrich horses in no time, galloping away. Azula and Iroh were right behind them. For several hours they chased Yuna, Li, and Jet, until, late into the night, the trio at last arrived at an inn.  
           "Azula!" Iroh insisted. "I know you are insistent upon catching these three, but it is late and we need rest. I value your well-being far more than I do this silly author and his or her whims! You are the only family I have left, besides my broth-"  
           "Say no more," Azula agreed, throwing her hands up in defeat. "These three are not worth losing sleep over. Come on, let's go get rooms over at the next inn."  
***  
    “They’re…not chasing us…” Jet said, confused. Their pursuers, as was evident from the fact that they had tied their ostrich horses and entered the inn right across from them, apparently had decided not to catch the people who were right in front of them.  
    “At least…not anymore!”  
    Li seethed in frustration.  
    “That’s it? They follow us for who knows how long, attempt to kill us, chase us for hours, and then just…stop? Why?”  
     Yuna shrugged.  
      “I guess they decided chasing mythical princesses just wasn’t worth their time,” she replied. “Which…kinda makes sense. I mean, as much as the Fire Nation wouldn’t like it if I returned to the North Pole, I really doubt that’s what we plan to do.”  
    “Honey, we’re not going to the North,” Jet reminded her. “We’re going to Ba Sing Se. Where you get your prince and we-”  
     Jet pointed to himself and Li,  
   “Get ten million gold coins! Yeah! How’s that for a profit!”  
  “If we convince Lord Hahn,” Li pointed out.  
   Jet scowled.  
  “Anyway,” he announced. “It’s getting late and I suggest we find an inn not so close to these guys and spend the night there.”  
  “Good,” Yuna moaned. “My legs are numb from all this riding. And my skirt’s probably covered in ostrich-horse feathers. Man, I told you this thing wasn’t practical for riding…”  
  With that, the trio found an inn three houses down from their pursuers’ inn, dismounted, requested a room, and upon being granted one, immediately went up to said room.  
  Once there, Yuna disrobed down to her undergarments and headed off to take a bath. As she did so, Jet whistled.  
  “She truly is a beauty, isn’t she?”  
   Li slapped Jet.  
   “She’s a princess,” he scolded. “And Lord Hahn’s fiancé. Did you just forget the details of your own scheme?”  
  “Of course not,” Jet replied, taking off his clothes. “And we don’t know for sure she’s a princess. Not yet, anyway.”  
  Wearing nothing but his underclothes, Jet walked towards the bed on the right and climbed into it. Li took his own clothes off and followed suit.  
  “I don’t really care if she’s a princess or not,” Jet confessed, gazing softly at Li.  
  “Of course you don’t,” Li said matter-of-factly. “You just want the money.”  
  “Not really,” Jet whispered. “The money is just a means to an end.”  
  Li’s eyes widened.  
  “What end?”  
  “For our retirement, obviously,” Jet explained. “I’m tired of this life. And I know you are too.”  
  “Retirement?” Li gasped. “But…if that’s what you wanted…why not just go legit? Get a regular job?”  
  “A tea shop’s a nice, stable idea, but it’s not exactly lucrative. Or secure. The moment the Fire Nation arrives, we can kiss that goodbye. No, this way we split the ten million, buy ourselves a couple mansions in Ba Sing Se, and live out the rest of our lives in sweet, sweet luxury, where the Fire Nation can’t ever touch us.”  
  Li blushed.  
  "That’s…that’s really thoughtful of you…” he stammered, averting his eyes away from Jet. “Wow. I...I had no idea.”  
  Jet grinned and grabbed Li’s shoulder.  
  “Don’t thank me now. Thank me when we’re in our mansions rolling in money and surrounded by scantily clad handmaidens.”  
  Li frowned and shrugged Jet’s hand off his shoulder.  
  “I wouldn’t count on the rolling in money part. Mansions cost a lot of money, after all. And with each of us having only five million-which, in case you didn’t realize, might be how much a mansion in Ba Sing Se goes for. It is prime real estate, after all, given that it’s a mansion in the only place safe from the Fire Nation.”  
  Li stroked his chin and grunted.  
  “Not to mention,” Li mused, “even if the mansions go for less than five million, that might not be enough to sustain us, let alone live in luxury, for very long. Especially if we plan on having lots of servants we need to pay. At most we’ll each have four million plus, which, given the cost of upkeep of a mansion…”  
  “Stop poking holes in my dream,” Jet demanded, indicating the place in the bed with his hand.  
  “Ignoring it won’t solve the problem, Jet,” Li informed him  
  “So we’ll get tenants or something,” Jet said casually, shrugging his shoulders. “Supplement our income that way. Relax. We won’t have to count our pennies like we do now. We’ll have four million plus each after we buy the mansion.”  
  “At most,” Li pointed out.  
  “They don’t have to be the largest mansions in the city,” Jet told him. “A couple of fairly average ones will do. So long as we’re both safe, secure, happy- and more than a little bit comfortable- that’s what matters. Not to mention together.”  
 “We are together,” Li insisted. “Already. We’re partners in crime, remember?”  
  “Yes,” Jet replied, as he turned to the side, and moved in closer and closer to Li, until there was nothing but skin between the both of them. “Much to the dismay of the little old ladies we’ve scammed.”  
 Li pulled the covers over them and moved in even closer to Jet.  
***  
  Now that we’re done tantalizing the audience with extremely close male friendship (I can hear you complaining back there, you queer activists and yaoi fans), it is time to get back to the plot.  
  Yuna’s bath was not exactly the most relaxing, feminine bath out there. For as much as she had deliberately set it up to be- what with the candles and extra hot water- fate, by which I mean myself, had other plans.  
For as she gazed upon the full moon through the window above her, a sudden flash of memory came to her.  
A middle-aged man, with a gray topknot and sideburns, standing next to a pool of water, holding a knife to something writing in a burlap sack. A bald child with an arrow tattoo on the opposite side of the pool, begging the man, who was apparently named Zhao, to spare the creature inside it. A fat, elderly man with a similar hairstyle to Zhao, except for a goatee, declaring he would hurt Zhao horribly unless he let go of the sack. Zhao, opening the sack and releasing a fish into the pool. Zhao then summoning a blast of fire into the pool, killing the fish. The fat elderly man then unleashing a blast of fire onto Zhao, the two men then fighting via their firebending.  
Then...falling into the pool. A young man in a parka with brown skin, blue eyes and brown hair, screaming as she fell. Drowning. Drowning and descending deeper into the pool…  
Yuna gasped and sat up in the bath. She hurriedly stood up, got out of the tub, and dried herself off. She put on her undergarments, grabbed her clothes, and ran off to their rented room. Once there, she shook Li and Jet awake, shouting,  
“It’s coming back to me! I remember! I remember!”  
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	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! That was an interesting chapter! What was Iroh's trip to the North Pole all about?     Are Jet and Li going to fight over Yuna,  or is their something more to the bromance?     
> I see you yaoi fans, I know you want more.    
> Oh, you thought this was going to normal, did you? You. thought. wrong!!!! Come on, no one writes a snarky story without TRYING to be subversive! Be warned, my pretties. There will be more surprises in your future.   Sorry I took so long, btw.  I  

Chapter Six 

“So…you were there when Zhao invaded the North Pole,” Li reviewed, staring down at his breakfast. “And…there was a guy...a Fire Nation guy…who was trying to stop Zhao. Who you said looks exactly like one of the people pursuing us yesterday.”  
Yuna nodded.  
“That’s correct.”  
“So one of our pursuers- the man- was there the day the North Pole fell. And he knows full well who you are,” Li muttered. “Great.”  
“You said the Avatar was with you,” Jet asked, cupping his hand in his chin as he looked thoughtfully at Yuna. “Was there a Water Tribe girl- besides you, of course- with him?”  
Yuna shook her head.  
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t remember any other girls in that scenario. It was just the Avatar, Zhao, the guy who fought him, and…that Water Tribe boy.”  
“Water Tribe boy?” Li asked.  
“There was a…Water Tribe boy…in my memory, screaming as I fell into the pool,” Yuna told them. “He…I have a feeling he and I must have been close…”  
“Lord Hahn, maybe?” Jet guessed.  
“Maybe,” She replied, although she wasn’t entirely sure. What little her mind remembered of the boy did not suggest that kind of relationship. They were close, sure, but not that kind of close. Although he did care for her, she was sure, a tiny part of her also remembered that he had a tendency to be quite obnoxious, rude, and not exactly egalitarian towards women.  
But then again, not all marriages were for love. Royal ones especially had a tendency to be marriages of convenience.  
If she really was Princess Yue, and the boy really was Hahn, that did not bode well for her. There’d always been the threat of the Fire Nation looming over their success in convincing Hahn- the inevitable risk of returning to the North Pole and facing Zhao- to throw bitterness into their hoped-for happy ending. Now she wasn’t entirely it was going to be a happy ending-for her, that was. If Hahn really was the boy in that memory, she’d be stuck with a less-than-stellar fiancé and future loveless marriage and eventual death via Zhao.  
Her only hope was that she somehow wasn’t Yue. Or that the boy was someone else- a cousin, a younger brother, a bodyguard, a servant. Maybe both.  
Or maybe just him not being Hahn, her being the princess, and Hahn being extremely charming. Her gut told her that probably wouldn’t be the case.  
Familiar people weren’t just Yuna’s problem, however. Azula was facing a rather similar crisis.  
“What’s with all the pacing?” Iroh asked as Azula paced about the room they’d rented, deep in thought.  
“That young man who was traveling with the princess- the one in Fire Nation armor. I swear I’ve seen him before. I just can’t place where.”  
“He looked familiar to me too,” Iroh admitted. “Exactly like an old friend of mine…”  
“Oh come on, he’s much too young and driven to be one of your friends,” Azula scoffed.  
“Funny you should say that,” Iroh mused. “Because this friend of mine was very driven. Like you, he was once dead set on finding the…”  
“The Avatar,” Azula finished, her eyes lighting up in realization. “Yes. I remember now. Lieutenant Li.”  
Iroh gasped.  
“You’re right,” he said. “It is Lieutenant Li. How could I have been so foolish? He had…he had…”  
Iroh cleared his throat, began packing his things, and declared,  
“Forgive me, my niece. You will have to continue this hunt alone. I will be taking a trip to the North Pole for a while.”  
Azula blinked in surprise.  
“Really? You don’t want to reunite with your old buddy? Up until that accident a couple of years ago, you two were inseparable.”  
Iroh shook his head.  
“No,” he replied. “This is a matter of grave importance.”  
With that, he finished collecting his things and walked out of the room.  
“Fine,” Azula said to herself, smirking, “Go ahead. I’ll just have to arrest him for desertion without you.”  
“So, you knew the Avatar,” Yuna said to Jet as they rode away from the inn.  
Jet nodded.  
“That’s correct,” he told her.  
“What was he was like?” she asked.  
“He…he was a kid,” Jet explained. “A friendly, nice little kid, about twelve-ish. Honestly, I didn’t pay much attention to him. I was more focused on this girl travelling with him.”  
And my plans to wipe out an entire Fire Nation settlement, Jet thought to himself, cringing at the memory.  
“She must not have been very nice, this girl,” Yuna remarked, noticing Jet’s expression.  
“No, no, no,” Jet insisted. “She was lovely. Beautiful. Totally obsessed with me. Up until she froze me to a tree with her Waterbending powers and left.”  
“She froze you?” Yuna exclaimed. “Doesn’t exactly sound like great girlfriend material.”  
Jet scratched his head.  
“Oh no, I totally deserved it,” he replied. “I was not a great person back then.”  
“Not a great person?” Yuna replied, confused. “Back then you were a freedom fighter. A brave, selfless young man fighting against the Fire Nation. That’s ten times a better person than I’ll ever be. I mean, you couldn’t get me to fight the Fire Nation if you paid me all the money in the world to do it.”  
Jet cringed.  
“I’d rather not talk about it,” he said.  
“Ok,” Yuna told him, “but just so you know, if I was your girlfriend, I’d never leave you stuck to a tree. I’d stay by your side as long as I could.”  
“I-that’s really sweet of you, but I-” Jet glanced towards Li, who rode in front of them. “There’s someone else.”  
“That girl, you mean?”  
Jet shook his head.  
“No,” he replied. “She’s probably dead. I mean, if she wasn’t there with the Avatar, then…that doesn’t bode well for her.”  
“Oh. Ok,” Yuna replied.  
***  
The North Pole had changed a lot in three years. Its denizens were an impoverished, pitiable lot, far from the proud, prosperous people they had been before the invasion. The ice-block streets were crowded with beggars in worn parkas and sad-eyed people who shied away fearfully from Iroh, as if they feared he would bring the wrath of the Fire Nation down on them. Fire Nation banners hung from every tower and building, and one could hardly walk few feet in this city of ice without finding a Fire Nation soldier.  
A boat arrived, with a forlorn looking ferryman, and Iroh slipped a few coins in his hand. The ferryman gestured him to get in the boat, and Iroh complied.  
“Where to?” the ferryman said, averting his gaze.  
“The palace,” Iroh replied.  
And with that the two of them sailed through the canals of the city in utter silence.  As they did, Iroh was lucky enough to observe some cheerier sights amongst all the gloom and poverty. For every ten or twenty beggars or peasants, there was the occasional Fire Nation couple or family with red fur wraps or parkas examining an abandoned mansion or buying something from a vendor. Or at least, these sights would have been cheerier, if it weren’t for Ba Sing Se.  For Ba Sing Se and his failed siege of it, and all the pain that siege had caused.  
If Iroh had succeeded in his siege, Ba Sing Se might look very similar to this. Cowed citizenry, a steady stream Fire Nation colonials moving in, soldiers everywhere- the only difference would be a location change and some warmer weather. But would it have been worth it?  
Before his son Lu Ten’s death in that siege, Iroh would have said yes. All must fall to the glory of the Fire Nation, in order to better enlighten the world with its superior ways. But then Lu Ten did die- died to conquer a once proud people and make them a mere colony. Lu Ten’s life was sacrificed, only to cause misery for thousands of people. How unworthy a sacrifice. So with this knowledge, Iroh retreated, his heart having broken in two, his stomach for battle having completely disappeared.  And thus the siege failed.  
Then Ozai, always the ambitious younger brother, petitioned their father the reigning Fire Lord to replace Iroh as heir to the throne, to cast him aside in favor of Ozai. Their father was enraged, and declared that Ozai’s son would die as punishment. It was that declaration which would lead Iroh to commit both his wickedest sin and his greatest act of mercy in one fell swoop.  
Later after that act, the act which Iroh had sworn never to think of, ever again, Ozai’s wife, Lady Ursa, left him. And then their father died, and Ozai came and inherited the throne.  
They at last arrived at the palace, and Iroh got out of the boat, announced himself to the guards at the gates, and calmly entered the palace. An entry which Zhao, upon seeing it, was stunned to see.  
“General Iroh?” he gasped. “I thought you vowed to never set foot here ever again!”  
“I don’t exactly hold fond memories of this place,” Iroh replied gravely. “But I recall making no such vow.”  
“So…would you care to tell me why you’re here? Over a cup of ginseng tea, perhaps?”  
“That would be lovely,” Iroh replied. “Thank you very much.”  
Zhao called for a servant to bring them tea, and ten minutes later both of them were sipping a cup of well-brewed ginseng tea.  
There’s nothing better in the whole world then a good cup of tea, Iroh thought to himself. As much as he detested Zhao-detested him with the power of a thousand suns-he had to admit, he had never met any other person in the Fire Nation who had even the slightest appreciation of good tea besides Zhao. Iroh had received more than enough mockery for his love of tea from Azula and Ozai, which was ironic, because the incredibly high-strung pair of them could sure stand to benefit from a cup. Even his old friend Lieutenant Li had not been above such mockery, and the one time he’d tried to brew any had been a disaster.  
Lieutenant Li. Apparently a con artist nowadays, with his latest project being an attempt to scam Lord Hahn. Of all the professions he could have taken up after desertion, that had to be among the top ten least unlikely. But then again, desertion in the first place was so extremely improbable for him, anything could be possible. Iroh hoped Azula had yet to capture him.  
“I’m afraid I’m here on business, not pleasure,” Iroh told Zhao calmly, taking another sip of tea.  
“Of course,” Zhao said, smirking. “We never were the best of friends, especially not after that…incident.”  
Which incident? Iroh thought to himself. The one where you conquered the Northern Water Tribe? The one when Li and I were leaving and you almost killed me and I thought you killed Li?  
“I need to see the Spirit Oasis,” Iroh told Zhao.  
Zhao rolled his eyes.  
“That tourist trap? Sure. Go ahead. Knock yourself out.”

The Spirit Oasis, surprisingly, was one of the few things that looked exactly the same as it had three years ago. A great pool in the center of a lush garden surrounded by a frozen cove, it was still exactly as beautiful and spiritual as it had been all those years ago. There was nary a Fire Nation banner in sight. Hardly a tourist trap.  
Iroh walked over to the pool, knelt and withdrew a silver flask from his robes, and said to the swirling koi fish within it:  
“I do not wish to harm you, great spirits. I only need a bit of your healing energy for a friend.”  
The fish, as if they understood, continued to swim and did not bother Iroh as he opened the flask, dipped it in the pool, and filled it with some of the water. Once the flask was full, he took it out of the water, sealed it, and placed it back within his robes.  
It was a place of so many memories, the Oasis, Iroh thought to himself on the boat back to the Earth Kingdom. Yue had died there, Zhao had conquered the North Pole there, Lieutenant Li had tried and failed to capture the Avatar there. So many wrongs committed, so many lives destroyed. But now, he had something which could change all that, turn some of those wrongs into right.  
“So, Lieutenant Li,” the slight, Fire Nation armor clad girl exclaimed as she advanced upon their campsite, “we meet at last.”  
“Umm…do we know each other?” Li asked, backing away from the girl slowly and reaching for his swords.  
She looks oddly familiar, he thought to himself. Gold eyes, pale skin, black hair caught in a top knot, evil smile- he swore he knew this girl, yet for the life of him he could not place a name to the face.  
His companions did not share his fearful curiosity. Jet had already gotten out his hook swords, and glared at the intruder angrily. Yuna was not so brave and had chosen to hide behind Jet rather than fight.  
Fortunately for the latter companion, the girl appeared to be so stunned by Li’s question she forgot to attack them. Her jaw dropped, and for a few seconds she was completely speechless.  
“Do we know each other?” she cried after a pause. “Do we know each other?!! Of all the- I’m Princess Azula! Your buddy Iroh’s niece? Does that ring a bell? Huh?”  
Li shook his head.  
“I…I am sorry, Your Highness, but no. It doesn’t. I… I don’t recall ever having a friend named Iroh-”  
Li chuckled nervously.  
“Let alone one as prestigious as General Iroh, Dragon of the West.”  
“What?!” Azula gasped. “Are you messing with me? Did you knock yourself on the head after you deserted or something?”  
“Probably,” Li admitted. “The only thing I recall of my time in the army is being found in an alley in full armor by this here gentleman-”  
Li pointed to Jet,  
“And my esteemed colleague and friend of these past three years. Before that, I remember absolutely nothing. It’s just one large blank. I didn’t even know I was a Lieutenant until you informed me just now.”  
“Y-yeah,” Jet added. “Honestly, from the way he acts, I was expecting his rank to much higher than that.”  
Li shot him a glare.  
“Did you not just here Her Highness say I was close friends with General Iroh himself? I highly doubt you were hobnobbing with anyone near that caliber in your days-”  
Upon remembering he was in the company of Fire Nation royalty, he stopped himself and corrected,  
“Before we ever even met!”  
Jet rolled his eyes.  
“See, princess? Admiral-grade snobbery at least! I highly doubt he was a deserter, unless you count not hating non-Fire Nation as desertion. Given your track record, however, I suppose you must.”  
“Watch your tongue!” Li snapped. “You are in the presence of a princess!”  
“She’s not my princess,” Jet mumbled.  
“Your Highness,” Li said, turning his head towards Azula, “I honestly cannot recall whether or not my leaving the army was deliberate or not. I hope it wasn’t, because if there is any truth to your accusation, I am heavily shamed. If you wish to arrest me regardless, please do so. Just- don’t harm my companions. Let them go on their way.”  
Jet’s jaw dropped.  
“Li, you can’t-”  
“It’s the only way, Jet.”  
Azula raised an eyebrow.  
“So…you’re an amnesiac. You don’t remember anything…”  
Li nodded.  
“That’s true, Your Highness.”  
“And you may or may not have deserted on purpose…”  
Li nodded again.  
“Though I hope I did not,” he replied.  
“Tell you what,” she said. “I’ll let you go.”  
Yuna, Jet and, Li gasped.  
“Thank you, my lady-” Li began.  
“But,” Azula continued, “Only up until you reach Ba Sing Se. If the so-called Princess Yue here is a fake, I’ll let her and your buddy go without incident. If she’s the real deal, or least, makes them think she’s the real deal, I’ll arrest all of you without delay. You, Li, I will arrest regardless. Are we clear?”  
Li nodded.  
“Yes, Your Highness.”  
“Good.”  
And with that the princess left the way she’d came, leaving Jet to sheathe their swords and sigh in relief. Yuna crawled out from behind Jet and said,  
“Well. That was interesting. Li, can I see you alone for a moment?”  
“Of course, Your Highness.”  
Yuna led Li away from the campsite to the river bank, and sat down. Li followed suit, unsure of where this was going.  
“I’m scared, Li,” she confessed.  
“Of what?”  
“Of being found fake, of Zhao, of Hahn, possibly, and now, her. Your princess. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a Fire Nation prison. I-I…maybe we should just give up and go home.”  
“We’re broke at home, Your Highness,” Li pointed out.  
“Yes, but we’re broke and safe,” Yuna countered. “Relatively speaking. Sure, the Fire Nation might invade at any time, but no one’s threatening to arrest us. Zhao isn’t going to kill me there. And…you two can’t exactly collect the reward in prison. Honestly, going home is our best option.”  
“Azula will know if we don’t go to Ba Sing Se, Your Highness.”  
“Yeah, but- she’s bound to lose interest eventually if we don’t go. And- back home, we-”  
Li half smiled.  
“Since when did that village where we met become home in the first place?”  
“When I met you,” Yuna replied, snuggling up close to Li.  
Li blushed.  
“Your Highness…you do realize you have a fiancé…and…um, you don’t want to…if this is in any way…”  
“Screw Hahn,” Yuna said. “He could be a monster for all I know. And so what if it’s unusually platonic…more than platonic…maybe romantic? You’re a sweetheart, and a gentleman, and honorable-and I…I just feel safe with you.”  
Li cleared his throat.  
“Your Highness,” he declared. “You are right to feel safe with me. And I promise you, nothing will happen to you on this trip to Ba Sing Se. Or after we get there. I swear, I will fight the princess myself if that’s what it takes to protect you from harm.”  
“You’re a sweet guy,” Yuna murmured, snuggling in closer to Li.  
Behind them, Jet was watching, scowling at them jealously.  
“What is this?” Jet yelled. “What is with you today?”  
“What…what do you mean?” Li asked, puzzled. He glanced at the sleeping Yuna behind him, hoping Jet’s anger wouldn’t wake her.  
“This!” Jet roared. “This…kowtowing to that princess of yours…the princess responsible for destroying my homeland! And then…all that snuggling and making eyes with Yuna!”  
“I was not making eyes at Yuna,” Li insisted, enunciating every word.  
Jet rolled his eyes.  
“Really?” he demanded. “Then what was with all that ‘maybe romantic’, ‘I just feel safe with you’ and ‘I’ll protect you from harm’ talk? Doesn’t sound platonic to me?”  
“All that talk of romance was hers, not mine,” Li snapped. “Besides, why do you care? You’re not in love with her yourself, are you?”  
Jet’s jaw dropped.  
“N-no, no,” he stammered, flushing red. “O-of course not! Why would you think?”  
“Then what does it matter if the girl develops misguided feelings for me?”  
Jet paused for a while, cleared his throat, and replied coolly,  
“Financial interests. She-she has to be willing to marry the prince once it’s all over. It’s all purely financial.”  
Li smirked.  
“Your concerns definitely sound very financially motivated to me,” he quipped sarcastically.  
Jet sighed.  
“Alright, I confess,” he admitted. “I worked really hard on this plan, and…I just don’t want to see it blowing up in my face with you two running off together. You…you’re one of the few people I care about most in this world, Li…”  
Jet’s expression darkened.  
“Despite you being Fire Nation and all,” he grumbled.  
“She is still my commander, Jet,” Li explained, “And a firebending prodigy to boot. I did not resign from the army-at least, not officially. I have to respect her, regardless of my feelings about the war. Else…”  
Li gazed at the ground.  
“There would be disastrous consequences. Consequences which could see you hurt. Or killed. And…I don’t know how I would cope if that happened.”  
Jet rushed over to Li and hugged him.  
“I don’t know either, buddy,” he murmured softly. “I don’t know either.”  
“You haven’t captured him,” Iroh said, stunned as he stared at his niece, who seemed unfazed at the fact that Liuetenant Li’s encampment was but a few feet from theirs.  
“He doesn’t remember a thing,” Azula explained nonchalantly as she examined her fingernails. “He’s a complete amnesiac.”  
An amnesiac. Of all the things- well, it explained why he was suddenly no longer fanatically loyal to the Fire Nation like he had been before…well, before everything.  
“He doesn’t even know if he deserted the army on purpose or not,” Azula continued with a chuckle. “So I decided not to arrest him until they reach Ba Sing Se. And whether I arrest them all- well, that depends. If their Yue’s a fake, I’ll just take Li and leave the other two on their own. If she’s real…well,”  
Azula grinned evilly.  
“Well, then, they’re all coming with us, and Father will be pleased to see I’ve prevented rebellion in the North.”  
“Rebellion in the-” Iroh began, but stopped upon realizing one very important thing.  
“Isn’t this a princess story?” he asked. “Hasn’t the author made it clear several times that politics is to be left out? How on earth did you get away with this?”  
Azula laughed.  
“I have no idea, Uncle,” she confessed, “but honestly I’m glad I did. Finally no more of that stupid ‘fairest of them all’ nonsense. Who cares if one female monarch is prettier than another? Destroying other monarchs, regardless of gender and looks has massive repercussions on a geopolitical scale, and finally the world is acknowledging that again.”  
I then floated down a letter, which Azula caught and began to read.  
“As to your question why I let you get away with this political maneuver, well, the story would become incredibly trite if I let this devolve into a ‘who’s the fairest’ competition,” Azula read. “I know this was supposed to be an average princess story, where no politics happens ever, but if the story was to progress I needed a meaningful threat to the leads. And a vain woman who has better things to do, like state politics, for example, is not a meaningful threat. Because, as you know, stories with villains like that always work in the favor of the usually ineffective heroine, by some supernatural phenomenon or another saving the day. So I put a little politics in because we needed some PLOT. I promise the story will go back to its usual lack of quality soon.”  
Azula rolled her eyes.  
“You’re an omnipotent writer who makes us do things we don’t want and has sent us on a merry goose chase this entire time. How can we trust anything you say?”  
To answer that excellent question, I sent down another letter, this time caught by Iroh.  
“You have a point,” Iroh read. “You cannot trust me. And I do indeed have more weirdness in store for you all. You know what I’m talking about, Iroh.”  
Iroh flushed and then conjured up a bit of flame with his finger, setting fire to the letter.  
“What do they mean, Iroh? What weirdness?”  
“N-nothing,” Iroh lied. “They were just messing with us. Like they have the whole time.”  
Iroh, you bad liar. Azula and I know full well that’s total nonsense.  
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	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The love triangle has been solved...with no heterosexual ending?     What's this ?      
> What? Did you think I'd seriously give you a heterosexual pairing when I freely admitted to Ho Yay in my own work?  
> 
>  This is satire, my dear.  If you expected serious adherents to all the silly princess story tropes mocked here- Costume Porn, Rule of Glamorous, Pimped-Out Dress, Fairest of Them All, Lessons in Sophistication, Princess Classic- well, you shouldn't have read this, sweetie!   
> And to all you queer fans out there, I apologize. Fully expect Jet and Li to get together by the end of this. 

Chapter Seven  
Unfortunately for our trio, they did not have many days of freedom from Azula yet. They had been very close to Ba Sing Se the day Azula had almost captured them, and they were only getting closer and closer. The day of reckoning was fast approaching, and the faster it approached, the more antsy Jet became.  
“We have to think of a plan,” Jet insisted as they continued riding. “We can’t just let the Fire Nation take us!”  
“We could start heading back,” Yuna suggested. “Back to the village. Maybe start a tea shop?”  
Li shook his head.  
“No,” Li insisted, shaking his head violently. “We must go on to Ba Sing Se as planned. I will not let you live in poverty for the rest of your lives just for my sake. I would rather die than impugn my honor in that way.”  
Jet bared his teeth and glared at Li.  
“Would it kill you to for once stop caring about bloody honor so much and think about the real world?” he snapped. “Going as planned is going to get you arrested!”  
He smacked his forehead and seethed in anger.  
“And I would rather die than let that happen.”  
Li looked at Jet square in the eye and said,  
“And I as well. Which is why I’ve been thinking I should just turn myself in and let you two go on without me. I’ll tell Azula Yuna’s a fake so she won’t pursue you.”  
“Did you listen to anything I just said?” Jet yelled.  
“Okay cut it out, you two,” Yuna demanded. “I get it. We all love each other, we’re all stressed out from impending doom, but guys: you both need to relax.”  
“The princess is absolutely right,” a voice behind them said,  
All three of them turned around. It was an old, short, fat man with a gray topknot, sideburns, and goatee, dressed in Fire Nation robes.  
Yuna’s jaw dropped.  
“That-that’s the guy from my memory,” she gasped. “The guy who fought Zhao.”  
“That is correct,” the old man said, “I indeed did fight Commander Zhao at the North Pole in the Spirit Oasis. And also saw you get stabbed and die, princess. Or thought I did.”  
“The Spirit Oasis?” Yuna asked. “Is that the name of the pool that I fell-”  
“Yes indeed,” the old man replied. “There is a pool in the Spirit Oasis which has healing properties. If indeed you did fall into that pool after dying and giving your life back to the Moon Spirit that may explain why you survived. I do not know. I cannot say. I fled the scene after the fight with my dear friend Lieutenant Li,”  
He nodded and looked up at Li,  
“Who was there searching for the Avatar at the time. Useless quest, searching for the Avatar. Complete and utter snipe hunt.”  
Now it was Li’s turn to gawk.  
“You…you know my rank? Then…you are…General Iroh?”  
Iroh nodded.  
“Indeed I am, my friend. It is good to see you alive. I thought that fall from the Avatar’s sky bison had killed you.”  
“No way,” Jet exclaimed, “The Avatar lent you his sky bison?!”  
“It was not a pleasant experience,” Iroh informed him. “Li, myself, the Avatar, and a traveling companion of his were being heavily pursued by Commander Zhao and his forces. Myself, the Avatar, and his companion barely made it out alive.”  
Iroh cleared his throat.  
“But I did not come to complain about endangered animals,” he said. “I came here to share my plan with you.”  
Yuna raised an eyebrow.  
“And why do you wish to do that?”  
“To atone for one of the few things I regret the most in my life,” Iroh explained, “And perhaps to help heal the outcome of that effect.”  
Jet shrugged.  
“Well, I’m game,” he said. “So long as it doesn’t involve any of us getting arrested.”  
Ba Sing Se was a complex city, encased by three walls, each wall encasing the other like layers of an onion.  
The first part of the city was absolutely ugly, simply a mix of filth and refugees and peasants, all crowded together in perpetual poverty. Looking at it caused memories of her own time on the streets to come flooding back into Yuna’s brain, memories Yuna tried to banish, but couldn’t.  
Please don’t let me end up here again, she prayed.  
Then they passed through the second wall, and entered into a well-lit, bustling, middle-class city painted almost entirely in beautiful shades of green. Yuna glanced behind her and sighed in relief.  
“Don’t be so relaxed yet,” Jet told her, “The hard part is yet to come. First we have to enact the plan.”  
“The plan, yes,” Yuna whispered, “The plan to…”  
“Distract Azula with a shopping spree while Iroh gets us a meeting with Lord Hahn and his buddy Sokka,” Jet reminded her.  
Sokka….why did that name sound so familiar? Why did it bring up all these feelings of love and longing, these sudden images of walking through a city of ice with a Water Tribe boy by her side? Why did she suddenly miss him so much when she remembered absolutely nothing about him?  
“Yes,” Li agreed, jolting Yuna out her reverie as he raisedan eyebrow, “And hope that this mysterious author figure of his magically helps us out.”  
I dropped a letter into the carriage, which Li caught.  
“Do not worry, my dear co-protagonist,” he read aloud. “I am indeed real, and I promise you that everything will work out, far better than you imagine it will.”  
“Will…we all be alive?” Yuna asked timidly, staring up at the carriage roof.  
I dropped another letter down, which Yuna caught this time.  
“I refuse to say,” Yuna read aloud, “for fear of ruining the suspense. This has to be somewhat good, after all.”  
Jet rolled his eyes.  
“Well, gee, that’s encouraging.”  
Not wanting to take any more of this lip from my characters, I immediately poofed them to the next scene, the gloriously pointless shopping spree which is endemic to so many stories written for girls, and has even reared its ugly head in princess stories.  
The first ridiculously pimped-out dress I forced my poor Yuna to try on was grass-green, embarrassingly low-cut, with off-the-shoulder bell-shaped sleeves and a dark green sash. Its skirt flared out and went all the way to the floor, and was also grass-green with yellow green embroidery. The tailor oohed and aahed it, clapping her hands as she insisted Yuna twirl around it for her, Jet, and Li’s pleasure. Yuna just rolled her eyes and silently but seriously questioned if I really intended for her to wear this drek to meet Hahn.  
Oh, don’t worry, this isn’t the dress you’re wearing to meet Hahn, I assured her inside her head. This is the shopping spree scene, after all. Plenty more dresses to come.  
You can talk inside our heads? Yuna thought to me, shocked.  
But of course I can, I replied. I’m the author.  
Then what’s with the letters?  
Because I felt like it. Now, next dress.  
The next tailor’s creation Yuna was forced into was a yellow-green robe-like dress with dark green embroidery, over a high-collared chemise. Luckily for Yuna both Jet and Li hated this creation, thinking it far too closed off. So off to the third tailor they went.  
This tailor’s tastes were a lot more simple and elegant, as shown by the high-collared dress with bell-like sleeves in a much more subdued green. Jet and Li both loved this dress, saying that it made Yuna look absolutely regal, especially with her hair up so high. Yuna honestly couldn’t tell the difference between this dress  and the one before it, but she was praying they’d just buy this one and stop this madness. Unfortunately for her it was too expensive so back out they went.  
After the sixth Yuna glanced up at the heavens, and thought, exasperated,  
Does this scene have any other purpose than to torture me?  
Actually, it’s to distract Azula and make her wait impatiently so that Iroh can get a good word in with Lord Hahn.  
Yeah, yeah, I knew that, but what is this scene really supposed to do?  
Well, it’s partly to allow Iroh to collect himself off-screen and let him prepare the plan he made after taking a trip to the North Pole last chapter.  
Wait, Iroh went to the North Pole?!! Yuna exclaimed. Man, why didn’t you let me be part of that scene instead of just making me meander around with Jet and Li in the woods?  
Because if you did the big surprise ending would be ruined.  
Surprise ending? What surprise ending?  
Anyway, I continued, strategically ignoring that question, the other part of this scene is to conveniently allow me to resolve the love triangle.  
Love triangle?  
That thing where you can’t decide whether you should be with Jet or with Li? Yeah, that love triangle. It wasn’t resolved last chapter where I intended it to be, so now I have to resolve it here before the climax.  
Ok, Yuna thought, Solve it. It has to be more interesting than running around dress-shopping.  
I turned her eyes over to Jet and Li. Li had his arm around Jet as they sat together in the carriage, and Jet was looking fondly at Li.  
You see those two? I told her. They have been living together for three years. They know each other very well, and I have been giving them quite a few intimate bonding scenes in this fanfic. Plus, Jet in this fic cares about Li despite him being Fire Nation, where in the canon that same issue of a buddy being Fire Nation resulted in his arrest by Ba Sing Se’s secret police plus his eventual death. Meanwhile, you have only had two scenes with each boy, and your attraction is primarily physical. Nothing wrong with that, but it is not enough to build a lasting relationship with either guy. In short, they have a more believable relationship with each other than with you. So tearfully declare that you’re sorry you led them both on, that you will only see Hahn, and hope to all the Spirits that he was a good fiancé.  
Yuna gazed at the boys and their homoerotic semi-cuddling and said to me,  
You have a point.  
And with that, she took a deep breath in, looked them both in the eye, and declared:  
“I’m sorry I led you both on. You both are wonderful boys, you are both handsome and kind and brave and noble. But I can’t be with you. This is a heist scheme, or a family reunion, not a love story. I will see and love only Hahn from now on, and I hope he will be a good husband.”  
Rather than tearing up, as she expected she would, or the boys both protesting that they loved her and that they didn’t care about the money, screw Hahn, they’d run away and start a tea shop, or worse, both of them fighting over her, they did the mature response.  
“Ok, cool,” Jet replied, shrugging his shoulders.  
“I understand and completely respect your decision, Your Highness,” Li said, doing a mini-bow and attempting to look serious, but the expression on his face contained more relief than solemnity.  
Yuna found, much to her surprise, that she felt exactly the same way. Relieved.  There was no more deciding whether or not to run away with a strange but hot boy she’d only known for a few weeks, and if so, which one. There was no more anxiety about the future. There was only path forward; to the Earth King’s palace, and to whatever decision the author decided for them all.  
Upon realizing that, however, she suddenly felt a bit of nausea. I was the author, after all. And wasn’t I the one who had cruelly set them upon this foolish endeavor, after all?  
But instead of panicking, she took a deep breath in. I had promised everything would work out, hadn’t I?  
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	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally found out who Yuna is!  But wait! Is this an origin story for Li?  What mysterious connection does Iroh have to Li?  How did Iroh REALLY meet Li? Some of you smarty-pants readers who've been reading closely probably already have a theory.   Don't spoil it for the others, though! I'm just kidding! The fanbase for this fic isn't all that great!   
> I'm willing to bet the gay fans are happy I put some substance to them as a couple. I'm also willing to bet most of my other gay fans just want Jet and Li to kiss already. I'm sure that some gay fans have stopped reading because they haven't kissed yet. 

Chapter Eight

      “I’m having my doubts about the veracity of this General Iroh character’s claims,” Lord Hahn mused as he paced the floors of the lavish parlor King Kuei had lent them for meeting potential Princess Yues.  
    “Oh _now_ you have doubts,” Sokka complained, rolling his eyes. He lazily reached out and grabbed a dumpling from the table right next to the plush emerald-green sofa he had spread himself out on. Popping the dumpling into his mouth, he added sardonically,  
    “I wonder what could have tipped you off. Was it the fact that he’s Fire Nation? Or perhaps the three years and scores of bottle-blondes?”  
    The king had been surprisingly generous to the both of them, Sokka mused. Even when you counted the fact that Long Feng had the king under his thumb and that said king had no idea there was a war on-Sokka was still amazed at just how much the king had been willing to give to an arrogant brat and a poor, lonely Water Tribe boy with no family to speak of.  Suites in the palace, their own personal servants, this parlor…it was all so much, and yet, without Katara or Yue, so unsatisfying.  
   Ironically, the one thing that would make this satisfying- Katara and Yues’s presence- would doubtless cause all this sweet, sweet luxury to disappear. Katara would probably shove the plate of dumplings beside him to the floor and demand they oust Long Feng. There was no way she’d sit around and let some tyrant deceive the king and make everyone pretend there was no war going on. Ah, good old Katara, always so insistent upon bringing justice to this unjust world. Her death had destroyed whatever inkling of desire for justice he’d had ages ago. Sokka was a simple man; meat, home, and family were his main desires in life. He had no family left, and while home was far away, there was plenty of meat here in the palace, so here in the palace he stayed.  
   But if Yue was here, doubtless Hahn would kick him out so he could mack on her in peace. He and Hahn were friends not out of liking for each other but out of mutual grief. The moment Hahn succeeded in this ludicrous quest of his, Sokka would hightail it out of here. Maybe with Yue if she ended up rejecting Hahn.  
  But Yue never came, and thus, Hahn and Sokka stayed together. With Hahn mostly focused on pursuing Yue, and Sokka mostly focused on eating and mocking him.  
  “I’m not interested in your jokes, peasant boy,” Lord Hahn snapped.  
  “When have you ever been?” Sokka replied, mid-bite of dumpling.  
   He swallowed the dumpling, took another one, and added, gesturing with the dumpling as he did,  
  “Then again, why should you be? You’ve got a much better joke than any I could ever make up? It’s called this entire plan to get Yue back?”  
   Hahn took a deep breath in, glared at Sokka, and growled,  
   “Yue will return to me. I know it. I can feel it in my bones.”  
  As if the narrative sensed Hahn’s longing, a servant woman stepped into the room and announced,  
  “Princess Yue of the Water Tribe and two companions, sirs” and exited the room.  
  “Correction: another con woman and her sleazy friends,” Sokka remarked, rolling his eyes.  
   He had hardly finished his sentence, however, when the doors opened and a very familiar white-haired Water Tribe girl walked into the room. A very familiar Water Tribe girl.  
    “It…it can’t be,” Sokka gasped, dropping the dumpling as he hastily got up from the sofa.  
    He stared at the girl, barely registering the two men behind her, one in Fire Nation armor, the other in plain clothes, as he took in her every feature. White hair, piled high upon her head. Blue eyes, light brown skin.  
    The girl appeared to be just as shocked to see him as he was.  
    “You…you’re the boy from my memory,” she murmured softly. “Are you…are you Sokka?”  
    “You- you’re dead,” Sokka cried, tears streaming down his face as he walked over to her. “You-you drowned in the Spirit Oasis…”  
    “Well, Iroh said the pool in the Spirit Oasis has healing propertie-”  
     But before she could finish explaining, Sokka tackled her, hugged her, and sobbed,  
     “Oh, Katara, I missed you so much!”  
***  
     Ka… _Katara?!!_  
    _Who on earth is Katara?_ Yuna thought to herself, as she wriggled out of Sokka’s grip.  
    “Uh…uh…I’m sorry,” she said politely, taking a step back. “You must be mistaken.”  
     “Damn right you’re mistaken,” Jet remarked behind her. “Because that is definitely not Katara! Katara’s a…”  
     Jet stopped and was silent for a few seconds.  
    “Now that you mention it, that name does sound familiar,” Li murmured to himself. “And this gentleman right here looks an awful lot like-”  
    “Sokka?!” Jet blurted out. “What on earth are you doing here?”  
    Sokka’s jaw dropped.  
    “I..I should ask you the same, Jet!” he replied, apparently having noticed Jet for the first time.  
   Sokka glanced over at Li and added,  
   “And you, Lieutenant Li! What are you doing here? Isn’t there a war with the Fire Nation going on?”  
    Yuna’s eyes darted from Sokka, to Jet, then to Li, and then to Sokka again.  
    “Do…do you all know each other?”  
    “Do I…do I…” Sokka gasped.  “Katara, he’s the boy who almost destroyed an entire village! Don’t you remember?”  
    “She doesn’t,” Jet replied. “She’s a total amnesiac. And she is not Katara.”  
     Li’s jaw dropped.  
    “Is this true, Jet? Did you really destroy an entire village?”  
    Jet glanced down at the floor.  
    “I…I…”  
    “Well?” Li demanded.  
    “I was…a bit of a zealot back then…in my Freedom Fighter days.”  
    “I should say,” Sokka huffed. “You killed an old man just because he was Fire Nation!”  
    “What?” Li exclaimed.  
    “I…I was wrong,” Jet said weakly. “I…my opinions on Fire Nation people have changed a lot since then.”  
   “Well, better late than never, I suppose.”  
   Sokka crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes.  
   “I still wouldn’t trust him, Lieutenant Li,” he growled. “You might as well turn him in while you still can. Which begs the question… why are you here? Shouldn’t you be chasing the Avatar?”  
   Li’s eyebrows went up.  
   “Avatar? I’m just here for the reward.”  
  “Reward?”  
  “Yes, the reward,” Azula declared, suddenly appearing behind them.  
    All three of them turned toward Azula, with Iroh and at least six soldiers in tow.  
   “So? What’s it gonna be?" Azula asked. " Is she the princess or not?”  
    And there Yuna was, suddenly in a huge dilemma. According to Sokka, she was someone named Katara and the two of them had beef with Jet for very good reasons. If Hahn believed she was the princess, she, Jet, and Li would all be arrested, bringing justice to Jet but separating her from her family forever. Was it worth trying to convince Hahn she was royalty just to spite Jet? But if she was honest, and Hahn didn’t believe her…what would happen to her and Jet? Would Sokka hurt Jet? Was it right for him to? He had certainly done horrible things in his past, true, but he’d been nothing like the sort of person who would kill an old man out of hate.  
    Neither possibility sounded all that good. But there was only one way forward.  
    Yuna took a deep breath in, glanced at the other young man in the parlor, who wore a rather confused expression on his face, and walked toward him.  
    “Are you Lord Hahn?” she asked politely.  
    “Yes,” he replied. “And…you’re that peasant girl who used to hang around Sokka and the Avatar, aren’t you? Sokka’s sister, I believe? His dead sister? Katara, the name was?”  
     “Uh…” Yuna glanced down at her necklace. “So…this wasn’t a gift from you, then.”  
     Sokka shook his head.  
     “No, it was our mom’s,” he replied. “How could you not remember that?”  
     “I…uh…”  
    “Oh my gosh I can’t believe I didn’t see it!” Jet cried. “You look exactly like Katara! Aside from the white hair you’re the spitting image!”  
     Jet flushed and looked down at the ground.  
     “Uh…this is…awkward…”  
     “Was Katara-I the one who froze you to a tree?” Yuna asked.  
     “Yes.”  
     “Well, I’m awfully sorry for that.”  
     “Don’t be,” Jet assured her, scratching his head. “I deserved it.”  
    “Well, then, now that that’s settled,” Azula said, “I’ll be arresting Li now. You two are free to go and catch up on old times.”  
    Azula turned to her soldiers, pointed to two of them, and said,  
   “You two. Seize Lieutenant Li!”  
    The two of them immediately obeyed, seizing Li and started to walk away with him.  
    “Wait!” Sokka cried. “You’re arresting _Li_? _Why_?!”  
    “He is a deserter,” Azula explained curtly.  
    Sokka’s jaw dropped.  
     “Li? Mad, fanatically obsessed with capturing the Avatar Lieutenant Li? A deserter? No way!”  
     “It’s true,” Li explained. “Although whether on purpose or by accident I have no idea. And therefore Her Highness Princess Azula has rightfully arrested me and I will await judgment in the Fire Nation. I hope.”  
    “Not on my watch,” Jet growled, drawing his swords.  
    “Jet, no!” Li cried.  
    “You should listen to your friend, peasant,” Azula snarled, as she conjured a fireball in her hand. “We had an arrangement, after all.”  
    “Fuck your arrangement,” Jet replied.  
    “Men! To action!” Azula cried.  
     One soldier rushed to attack Jet. Jet parried easily and knocked the soldier onto the ground. Another soldier did the same; the same thing happened. The same happened with the other two, and soon it was merely Azula versus Jet; with Azula shooting fire and Jet dodging her.  
    “Jet’s…fighting the Fire Nation…for someone who’s Fire Nation…” Sokka remarked, raising an eyebrow.  
    “They… have a very special bond,” Yuna, whom we will now be referring to as Katara, told him with a shrug of her shoulders.  
    “Jet, stop, please!” Li cried. “This isn’t worth risking your freedom!”  
    “ _I’ll_ be the judge of what’s worth my freedom, if you don’t’ mind,” Jet snapped, as he attempted to strike Azula with one of his swords.  
    “Everyone, stop!” Iroh thundered. “This can all be solved without violence!”  
    Azula let her fire sputter out and Jet dropped his swords, and everyone turned to stare at Iroh.  
   “We shall start with the basics,” Iroh declared.  
    He pointed to Katara and explained,  
    “This young lady is most assuredly Katara. I am sure of that, for I was there at the Spirit Oasis that fateful night. That night, Zhao killed the Moon Spirit, though I begged him not to. I fought him, and defeated him. After his defeat, I spoke with Princess Yue in her final hours, as she gave back the life the Moon Spirit had given her as an infant, thus resurrecting it. After this was accomplished, she was stabbed to death by a half-conscious Zhao, and fell to the ground, dead. After the princess’s death a bloodbath ensued, during which I saw another young lady, who was accompanying the Avatar at the time, fall into the pool and drown, and watched this young man,”  
    He pointed at Sokka,  
   “Scream as she did.”  
   “That’s right,” Katara gasped. “I remember that.”  
   “I can only conclude that after you drowned, the water from the pool healed you and floated you back to the surface,” Iroh continued. “Thus explaining your white hair. The same way Yue obtained her white hair.”  
   “But…if it healed me,” Katara asked. “Why don’t I remember anything before I woke up in the pool?”  
   “Yes, and why are you telling us something we already know?” Azula commented snidely.  
   “You knew the facts,” Iroh pointed out. “You did not know the reasons behind them. But at any rate, after she drowned, Zhao happened to drink some of the pool’s water, and then the sun rose, and the battle turned towards Zhao’s favor. There was only one thing left for us to do: flee. So, with the permission of the Avatar, he, myself, Sokka, Lord Hahn, and Lieutenant Li, who was there, ironically, to capture the Avatar, hopped on the Avatar’s bison and fled. Zhao gave chase, and Li fell off the bison somewhere in the Earth Kingdom. After that Zhao gave up, and we went our separate ways. Sokka and Lord Hahn went one way, the Avatar went another, and I went back to the Fire Nation, filled with grief.”  
    “At the loss of some amnesiac orphan you adopted when he was eleven?” Azula asked, raising an eyebrow. “You are a softie, uncle. You truly are.”  
   Jet’s jaw dropped.  
   “So…he was an amnesiac when you knew him _too_? How many times has he lost his memory?!!”  
   “Twice,” Iroh replied, “Just twice.”  
   “How do you know that?!” Jet exclaimed.  
    “Yes…how do you know that, uncle?” Azula demanded, a quizzical expression in her eyes.  
    “Because I was the one who caused him to lose it the first time.”  
    Now it was Azula’s turn to be shocked.  
    “N-n-no you weren’t,” she stammered. “You found him unconscious in a pile of ashes and took him out of the goodness of your heart, like the big softie you are.”  
    “That was what I told you, your parents, and your grandfather,” Iroh said, a dark expression coming over his face. “It wasn’t the truth.”

  
  



	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up the name Mata Hari for Jet's village. They never name his village in-show, so I just decided to name it whatever I wanted. And this is fanfic, so yeah. I can do that. I know Jet's plot twist isn't exactly as polished as "Li"'s is, and I'm sorry for that. But anyway....
> 
> So...we have finally figured out the truth of Jet and "Li". Was it shocking?  Were you surprised?   Did you gasp in sheer horror? Or were you expecting it because lost royalty is a convention of the genre?   But at any rate, "Li" and Jet have got what they set out to get- just not in the way they thought.    And now, new complications are about to arise...because this is not a straight princess story, as you have no doubt already figured out. And I'm in no way about to make things easy for them just because they're wealthy now...  

Chapter Nine

               “It all started when my brother, Fire Lord Ozai was just _Prince_ Ozai and our father was still Fire Lord.  Iroh began. “I had been hard at work invading this very city, Ba Sing Se, when my son Lu Ten died in battle. I abandoned the siege in grief and returned. As you know, Azula, your father saw my grief as an opportunity to make a bid for the throne.”

               Li’s jaw dropped. He began to say something, but apparently thought better of it and decided to keep silent.

               “Ha!” Jet exclaimed. “Just like I always tell you Li, Fire Nation officials, dirty types all around.”

               “Jet!” Li cried in horror. “You are speaking in the presence of Lord Iroh and Princess Azula!”

    He turned his head towards Iroh.

    “Your Highnesses, please forgive my friend for-”

               “No need to ask forgiveness, my child,” Iroh assured Li. “My brother was always a sly, rotten type. At any rate, he asked our father to cast me aside and make him the heir to the throne instead. Our father was not pleased with this request.  Not only did he say no, he also declared that Ozai’s son would die as punishment.”

               “He killed his own grandchild?” Katara cried, shocked. 

               “No, my father did,” Azula snapped. “Because only a few days after I overheard Grandpa say that, my older brother Zuko oh so _conveniently_ died at the hands of ‘Earth Kingdom infiltrators’.”

                She shrugged. 

               “He always preferred me to Zuko anyway,” she said nonchalantly. “So I doubt killing him was all that big a deal for my father. Anyway, after Zuko got killed, Mom left and Grandpa died. Probably of old age, but I have a theory Mom killed him in revenge. She _really_ loved Zuko.” 

    Azula lowered her gaze on to the ground. 

    “More than she loved me, definitely.”

               Jet winced. 

               “What is with you people?” he exclaimed. “Is murder just a hobby to you or something?”

               “That is not how it happened,” Iroh declared. 

               Azula raised an eyebrow. 

               “Oh, really?” she snapped. “Then tell me, how _did_ Zuko die? Was he trampled by an ostrich horse?”

               “He was never killed in the first place,” Iroh replied. “I took Zuko, whacked him upside the head, and took him to our summer house on Ember Island. After that I took the corpse of a street urchin, and made sure his face was mutilated beyond recognition. I then told you all it was Zuko, and that he was killed by Earth Kingdom rebels.”

               “Oh, that’s right, it _was_ _you_ who found the body,” Azula recalled. 

               “Once Zuko was awake I told him his name was Li, that I’d found him amidst a pile of ashes, that his parents were missing, and that he was my unofficial ward,” Iroh continued. 

    “After my father’s sudden death and Lady Ursa’s sudden departure, I introduced him to you as Li and told you the same lie I told Zuko. Much to my surprise, you and your father both bought it, and from that point on I raised him as Li, and he joined the army and quickly rose to the rank of Lieutenant, which both impressed and unsettled me. Our culture places way too much value on-”

    “Hold on,” Azula interrupted, “If what you’re saying is true- if Li really is Zuko-”

               She glanced at Li, who was still being held captive, looked him up and down, and added, 

               “And now I’m starting to see they really do look alike…why did you lie to us? After Grandpa died, there wasn’t any more threat to Zuko’s life. You could have brought him back, explained the plan, and we’d all have been happy.”

               “Yeah…raising him as Lieutenant Li does sound unnecessarily complicated,” Sokka agreed, scratching his chin.

               “As a matter of fact, I asked myself that same question,” Iroh told them. “And I found that that the answer to it is very simple. Let me be frank, my dear niece: your father is not a good man. He was not good to your mother, he was not good to Zuko, and he isn’t even all that good to you.”

               “To _me_?” Azula cried. “I’m his heir!”

               “That you are,” Iroh acknowledged. “And he loves you very much. But at the same time I have no doubt in my mind that if it was a choice between you and his goals, he would choose his goals. He is a ruthless man, one who cares more about power and conquest than love and family. A house with him at the head is _no_ place for a child.”

               “Seems like a reasonable argument to me,” Jet said, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, letting your only child run about in a war zone with only an old man for company doesn’t exactly sound like good parenting to me.” 

               Iroh laughed. 

               “Ah, but that is just the tip of the iceberg, my boy. Did you know brother almost abandoned Zuko at birth because he thought Zuko wasn’t a firebender?”

               “What?” Azula gasped. “That can’t be. I knew that Dad didn’t like Zuko cause he wasn’t as _good_ a firebender as me, but actually thinking he wasn’t one? That’s not possible. I mean, Zuko wasn’t _that_ bad at firebending. I mean, he wasn’t as good as me, but he was still fairly _good_ -” 

               “At any rate,” Iroh interrupted, “So rather than let Zuko be slapped around by my brother for the rest of his life, I saw the opportunity to save him and took it. And apart from a change in name and status, and greatly reduced contact with his father and sister, his life remained largely the same. He continued his training and eventually joined the army and became a lieutenant, much to my dismay and worry. In order to prevent him from sharing my son’s fate,” 

               Iroh wiped a tear from his eye, 

               “I attempted to keep him away from the battlefield as much as possible. It irritated Zuko greatly, but it was for his own good. And it worked- until one day when he and I attended a war meeting with his father’s generals. One general proposed a plan involving the sacrificing of fresh recruits, to which Li protested. In response, my brother challenged Li to a duel, feeling offended because the meeting was in his war room. But Li, being far too loyal to my brother to do anything such as hurt him in a duel-not he deserves such loyalty- refused. And thus my brother banished him, stating that the only way he could come back was if he captured the Avatar. And so he hunted the Avatar, which led to the events at the Oasis, which led to him falling off the Bison, which led him to this young gentleman,” 

               Iroh pointed to Jet, 

               “And which leads us to where we are now. Are you satisfied, my dear niece?”

               Azula’s eyes widened. 

               “That…that actually makes a lot of sense. I can totally see all of that happening. But…you still don’t have any proof. How do I know you’re not just making this up to spare this traitor’s life?” 

               “What?” Jet gasped. “That’s- that’s-”

               “Well, he _did_ just admit to lying to her for several years about her brother’s death,” Katara said with a shrug. “Which is a perfectly good reason not to believe him.”

               Iroh withdrew a flask filled with water from within his robes. He opened it and poured a drop of water on one of the cuts Azula had incurred from fighting Jet. The cut healed instantly. 

               “This is water I took from the Spirit Oasis,” Iroh explained. “As you can see, it has healing properties. I am hoping that it will heal young Li’s mind and restore his memories.”

               Both Azula and Katara’s jaws dropped. 

               “ _That’s_ what you were doing in the North Pole?” they cried in unison. Both girls then stared at each other and blinked. 

               “Wait, how do you know my uncle went to the North Pole?” Azula asked. 

               “The author told me,” Katara said. 

               “Oh. Ok. The author talks…to you now?”

               _I talk to everyone_ , I told them all. _I am the author. I can do whatever I please_. _Now let Iroh administer the water, please._

               “How do we know that will work, though?” Jet asked, raising an eyebrow. “Isn’t the water the same thing that took Katara’s memory in the first place?”  

               _You don’t_ , I informed them all. _It’s called plot_. _Now get on with it, please_. 

               Azula rolled her eyes. 

               “I see they’re just as useful to you as they were to us,” she said. 

               She turned towards the guards holding Li.  

               “Release him.”

               The guards obeyed, and Iroh went up to Li and handed him the flask. 

               “Drink,” he commanded. “Drink and all will be revealed.” 

               Li took the flask, drank from the flask, and thought, 

               _Here’s hoping this works_. 

               And then immediately his head started to fill up with tiny little sparks, and then those sparks connected, and memories started pouring into his brain. 

               _A red room, held up by eight pillars_. _Old men in armor kneeling at a low table, which held a gigantic map of the Earth Kingdom. One man, a middle-aged man with long black hair- Fire Lord Ozai- sat at the head of the table surrounded by flames._

_“The Earth Kingdom defenses are concentrated here,” one of the men was saying. He had his gray hair in a topknot and a long, thin mustache._

     _“A dangerous battalion of their strongest Earthbenders and fiercest warriors. So I am recommending the 41 st division.” _

_He pushed a marker across the map with a yellow stick._

_“But the 41 st is entirely new recruits,” one of the other men remarked, this one with a long, full white beard. “How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?”_

_“I don’t,” the first man replied. “They’ll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear.”_

_He grinned evilly._

_“What better to use as bait then fresh meat?”_

               “You can’t sacrifice an entire division like that!” Li cried. “Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?” 

               Someone gasped, and Li was briefly jolted back to reality. He saw the eyes of everyone on him- Sokka, Jet, Princess Azula, General Iroh, Katara, and the soldiers. They were all completely shocked. Li couldn’t care less though. He had to protect those soldiers from- 

               “That is _exactly_ what he said that day,” Iroh gasped. “Verbatim.” 

               _That day?_ Li thought. 

               _A rectangular room_ , _with crowded stands on either side of him. A banner with a flame on it was behind him, and Li was wearing nothing but a vest and trousers. He took off the vest, completely prepared to duel the general he had insulted_ \- 

               _And his opponent was not the general. It was the Fire Lord_. 

               “Please, Your Majesty,” Li cried. “I only had the Fire Nation’s best interests at heart-”

               “That’s what he said the day Father was about to fight him in that Agni Kai,” he heard Azula murmur. 

               Agni Kai. Yes. He was about to fight the Fire Lord in an Agni Kai. He couldn’t do that; he couldn’t fight his- “

               Li suddenly found himself being knocked to the ground by Jet. 

               “Li, what’s wrong?” Jet exclaimed, his eyes looking at him with concern. 

    He turned towards Iroh, his teeth bared.  

    “You, old man! Did you poison him? I swear, if you did, I’ll beat the living-” 

               “He must be reliving certain events from his past as he remembers them,” Iroh declared, his eyes widening. “He’s trapped in the past-”

               _Li was standing on the prow of a metal ship, which was surrounded by water and icebergs. In the distance, he saw a beam of light._

               _“Finally,” he gasped._

               _He turned towards General Iroh, who was sitting behind him playing cards, with a teapot full of steaming tea beside him._

 _“Iroh, do you realize what this means?”_ he said. 

               _“I won’t get to finish my game?” the general replied._

_“It means my search, it’s about to come to end,” he corrected, turning back towards the light._

_The Avatar was within his grasp. Soon, he’d be heading back to the Fire Nation, with the Avatar in tow, his honor restored and declared a hero-_

_It was sunset, in a courtyard. Standing far away from him on the opposite side was a shirtless middle-aged man with his hair in a topknot and sideburns- Zhao. General Iroh was behind him, telling him to remember his basics, as they were his greatest asset. Basics? Hah! He didn’t need Iroh’s advice- there was no way he’d lose._

     _The gong sounded and the Agni Kai commenced. Li blasted fire at the man, which Zhao avoided easily. Iroh continued to shout at Li, demanding he remember his basics. Then Zhao was throwing the blasts and Li was dodging. In the final blast, Zhao pressed both fists together, forming a blast that connected and knocked Zuko to the ground. Zhao then prepared a final fire blast for Li’s face-but Li rolled out of the way, rose with a kick, and knocked Zhao down. He then released a series of low attacks, causing Zhao to retreat, and then finished with a jet of fire from a full body kick. The match was done. Li was victorious._

     _As he and Iroh walked away, Zhao angrily set a jet of fire at Li’s back, which Iroh swiftly intercepted with his bare hand. He then said,_

     _“Even in exile, my ward is more honorable then you.”_

     _When they left, Zuko asked if Iroh really meant that. Iroh smiled and said,_

     _“Of course.”_

     _A few weeks later, Li was in a red room aboard a navy ship, about to board a small rowboat and sail towards a city made of ice. General Iroh stood before him in a red robe. He walked up to Li and hugged him._

_Several years before that- Li stood looking out at an ancient Airbender temple. General Iroh was standing behind him. He clapped a hand onto Li’s shoulder and said,_

_“You know Li, destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out, but if you keep an open mind, and an open heart, I promise you will find your own destiny someday.”_

_Now he was in a lush garden sitting next to a pond inside an icy cove. A bald child dressed in red and yellow was sitting there, meditating, the arrow tattoo on his forehead glowing. The Avatar. The one he’d come to capture._

_Guarding him was a Water Tribe girl, who refusing to give the Avatar up, instead fought him; she with waterbending, he with firebending. Eventually, she managed to imprison him in a block of ice. But the sun then rose, and Li was thus able to knock her into a tree with a fire blast. He took the Avatar, and left._

               And then at last he was back in the present. A present he now understood. He turned his head towards the two Water Tribe children, and gasped, 

               “Katara. Sokka. You’re the Avatar’s friends.”

               “Well, great to remembered,” Sokka remarked. “First time that’s happened today.” 

               He then glanced towards Iroh. His general. His adoptive father. His only family. 

               “General Iroh,” he said breathlessly, blinking back tears. “I remember now. You were the one who found me in those ashes, and stuck with me all throughout my long journey to find the Avatar. I can’t believe I ever forgot you.”

               Iroh glanced down towards the polished marble floor. 

               “It only restored part of his memory,” he sighed. 

               Iroh then glanced up at the ceiling and mused,

               “Maybe if I give him more of the water-” __

“Over my dead body!” Jet yelled. “ You won’t be sending him back to Crazy Town just to prove some mad theory. I don’t need a prince! A lieutenant is good enough for me!”

               “He has a point,” Princess Azula began, but Li didn’t hear the rest of what she said, because he was immediately flooded with memories again, memories of quite a different life. 

               _He was a child again, a very small one, perhaps three at the most. He was on a beach, watching an eagle hawk attacking a turtle crab. He immediately rushed to rescue the turtle crab, feeling the urge to help it. He succeeded, but once it was safe in its arms he realized something terrible: the hawk would die without its prey. Before his little mind could even begin to comprehend the issue, however, he was knocked over by a wave and carried out into the ocean. Just as he was about to drown however, a man with long black hair and a goatee rescued him, carried him back onto the shore, and placed him into the care of a beautiful, kind-looking woman. There he spent the remainder of the day, vomiting sea-water as the woman watched and tended to him with a concerned look in her eyes._

 _And then he was on the beach again, but this time, he was a little bit older and Azula stood a little bit away from him, as they reenacted the final duel from_ Love Amongst the Dragons _.  Once again, much to his frustration, he was the Dark Water Spirit, the villain of the play. The man and woman from before- his father and mother, he realized- looked on lovingly as they watched the children play._

_He was about eleven now, and he was sitting by the pond in the royal garden with his mother. He was showing her how Azula fed turtleducks- by throwing a whole piece of bread at them. The turtleducks did not take kindly to that._

_And now they were walking in the royal garden, and Azula was walking up to them, telling his mother to make her play with her and her friends, insisting that they needed equal teams to play a game. He absolutely refused to play with them, knowing full well what kind of duplicity Azula was capable of. Azula pleaded that they were brother and sister, it was important for them to bond. His mother agreed, and then Azula was picking an apple and saying as she placed the apple on her friend Mai’s head:_

_“Now what you do is try to knock the apple off the other person’s head,”_

_She ran a little bit a way from Mai,_

_“Like this,” she added. She then aimed a fire blast at the apple on Mai’s head. Li ran towards Mai to save her, and they both collided, resulting in the burning apple falling off of Mai and the both of them falling into the fountain, with him right on top of Mai._

_“See,” Azula giggled as she glanced at her other friend, Ty Lee. “I told you it would work.”_

_“Aww, they’re so cute together,” Ty Lee remarked, pointing at both him and Mai._

_And now he was in his bed, having just awoken. Uncle Iroh was in his room, wearing a cloak, and telling him to get up, they were going on a special trip together._

_“Does this have anything to do with what Grandpa-”_

  _“Hush, Zuko,” Iroh shushed, putting a finger to his lips._

     _He then withdrew a frying pan from his robes, raised it up high, and-_

    And then Li was back in the present again. Only, he wasn’t _Li_. Not anymore.

    “I-I’m _Zuko_ ,” he gasped. “Pri- _Prince Zuko_.” 

    He glanced at the stout old man in front of him, tears in his eyes, rushed towards him, and hugged him fiercely. 

    “Uncle!” he cried. “It’s been so long!” 

    Iroh smiled. 

    “It worked,” he said weakly. “It really worked. Y-you’re yourself again, my dear nephew.”

    “Zuzu,” Azula whispered, a tear streaming from her eye. “It really is Zuzu. I-I can’t believe I was about to arrest _Zuzu._ ” 

    Zuko glanced back at Azula, memories of all her pranks flooding his brain. 

    “I’m not hugging you,” he snapped. “I know what you’re capable of.” 

    “I’m not exactly about to prank my long-lost brother, dumb-dumb,” Azula retorted. She then blinked. 

    “Long-lost brother,” she gasped. “We have to tell Dad! He’s not going to believe this-”

     She stopped short, frowned, and then mused, 

    “What will we tell Dad? We can’t exactly say that-” 

    “That I was mistaken, no more,” Iroh interrupted. “That the band of Earth Kingdom rebels kidnapped him and raised him as one of their own until we happened to find him in Ba Sing Se.”

    “Excellent, uncle,” Azula replied. “But how is Dad going to react when we show up without the Avatar?”

    “Uhh…” Zuko stammered. It was now dawning on him that his family and his new friends did not exactly have similar goals in life. That his family, in fact, wanted to conquer his friends. 

    He glanced at Jet, Sokka, and Katara, and said, 

    “Well, this is awkward.”

    “No kidding.” Jet declared. 

    “Indeed.” Sokka concluded. 

    “Well, uh, Sokka, Katara, I’m sorry for chasing you two around the Earth Kingdom for all that time,” Zuko said apologetically. “It…wasn’t personal.”

     _Please don’t let them suggest searching for the Avatar_ , Zuko pleaded silently. _Please don’t_. 

     _Don’t worry_ , I told Zuko, an evil grin on my face. _I have another plot twist up my sleeve_. 

    I snapped my fingers, and suddenly everyone except Hahn and Azula’s soldiers was in the throne room, standing in front of King Kuei, the Earth Kingdom’s leader.

    “How did we get here?” Azula wondered. “And why aren’t the guards charging at us? Do they not realize three of us are Fire Nation?”

    “Oh, that’s a funny story,” Sokka explained. “You see, it turns out that in the story this author is making fanfic of, Ba Sing Se is not actually ruled by the king. He’s just a puppet for Long Feng, who’s _actually_ in charge. And Long Feng is insistent that everybody think that the war _doesn’t exist_. So nobody cares about the Fire Nation whatsoever.”

    See? I _told_ you we’d get to Long Feng. Now that the story is getting to be over, I’m not sure how big a role he’ll play, though. 

    “That’s stupid!” Jet exclaimed. “How can he lie to everyone like tha-”

    And then King Kuei suddenly exclaimed, 

    “Is that- is that _Jet_?”  

    Zuko whipped his head towards Jet.

    “How…how does the Earth King know about you? You-you weren’t that famous back in the day, were you?” 

    Jet’s eyes were as wide as saucers. 

    “I-I have no idea,” he stammered. 

    King Kuei leapt out of his throne and rushed over to Jet. 

    “My goodness,” he boomed, “You’ve grown!” 

    “Grown?!” Jet and Zuko exclaimed in unison.

    The king frowned. 

    “You don’t remember me, do you?”

    The king shook his head, sighed, and said, 

    “Of course you wouldn’t. You were only three when you were kidnapped.”

    “ _Kidnapped_?” Katara asked, befuddled. “You said your parents found you wandering about.” 

    “They did!” Jet exclaimed. “I was never kidnapped by anyone!”

    “But you were!” Kuei insisted. “By those bandits who invaded our summer home!”

    “Bandits?” Zuko exclaimed. “A royal palace was invaded by _bandits_?”

    “They were probably Fire Nation soldiers,” Sokka whispered. “Long Feng usually explains away attacks by the Fire Nation with bandits.” 

    Jet bowed to the king, laughing nervously. 

    “Your Majesty, you must be mistaken. My adoptive parents were _farmers_ , not bandits. They-”

    “Your _adoptive_ parents?” King Kuei interrupted.  “You mean to say that after the bandits took you away from Mata Hari they adopted you?” 

     “My parents were not bandits!” Jet yelled. Then his eyes widened. 

    “Wait... Mata Hari…that’s the village I grew up in… before the Rough Rhinos…”

    “Yes,” Azula added. “Mata Hari…didn’t there used to be a palace there? Which we… _invaded_.”

    “Invaded?” the king cried. “What’s this about an invasion?” 

    “There _was_ a palace there,” Jet realized. “And a forest. And my parents said they found me wandering in the _forest_ …” 

    Jet’s jaw dropped. 

    “I _was_ kidnapped! By _accident_!”

    “Tell me, child, how old did you say you were when you were adopted?” Iroh asked, suddenly looking very guilty. 

    “Uh, three,” Jet replied, not sure what that had to do with anything. 

    “Because the admiral in charge of the invasion told me that most of the royals had been accounted for and were dead- save, obviously, for His Majesty and his immediate family-“

    He pointed at King Kuei, 

    “Who were here in Ba Sing Se at the time, and a little prince about three years old, who _went by the name of Jet_.” 

    “So that makes me…”

    “My cousin!” King Kuei exclaimed. “My dear, sweet, little cousin Jet. Not so little now, of course.” 

    “Your cousin…” Jet gasped. “No way!”

    He glanced at Zuko.

    “I…I mean,” he stammered, “it’s one thing for Li-sorry, Zuko- to have been a secret prince all along, but me…me too? This-this is too much!” 

    “I know!” King Kuei moaned. “Plus all this stuff about an invasion- my head is reeling!”

    “I…I suggest we celebrate!” Iroh declared. “We’ll have a feast! Tonight! In honor of your cousin and my nephew!” 

    “Good idea!” Kuei agreed. 

    “Yes, good idea,” Azula assented half-heartedly, “But first we should probably give the guests of honor a bath.”

    She wrinkled her nose and fanned herself with her hand.

    “No offense, but the more I stand next to them, the less enthusiastic about their presence I become.” 

    Jet’s jaw dropped. 

    “I do NOT stink!” 

    “Neither do I!” Zuko yelled. 

    “No offense, Your Highnesses, but I beg to differ,” Sokka countered. “You two both smell like wet bison fur. Which is not a great smell.”

    Katara cackled evilly. 

    “Oh ho ho ho, yes,” she exclaimed. “Finally! Now it’s your turn to be primped and prodded and dressed up like a doll! Sweet, sweet justice!” 

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	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the long-awaited conclusion

    Chapter Ten 

    

    Fortunately for our two princely heroes, they would not be getting the same treatment poor Katara suffered through in regards to her clothing. Rather, they ended being led to a marble bathing room with a gigantic pool of steaming water cut into the floor. Scantily clad serving girls were throwing rose petals and lavender into it, and the two young men found themselves being gently undressed by servants. The latter part made them both feel extremely uncomfortable, being used to only dressing themselves.

    After they were undressed, they stepped into the bath, and immediately the heat melted all their stress away, relaxing their muscles as they immersed themselves in the steamy water.

    “Oh, man,” Jet moaned. “This is the _best_.”

    Zuko raised an eyebrow.

    “Better than that time we had tea with Lady Beifong?”

    “Hell yeah,” Jet moaned, sinking deeper into the water.

    “I’m not arguing with that,” Zuko agreed, sinking deeper into the water. He groaned in pleasure.

    “Oh, man,” Zuko said, “I didn’t realize how much I needed this. How much I _missed_ this.”

    Two of the scantily clad serving girls then came over with some soap and proceeded to wash the boys’ hair. Other serving girls continued to supply the bath with fresh hot water.

    “We did it,” Jet realized, reveling in the sight of the serving girls’ bodies and the scrubbing and massaging of his head. “We got what we came for.”

    Zuko’s eyebrows shot up.

    “No we didn’t,” he countered. “The girl we thought was Yuna was Katara all along, a former enemy of _both_ of us to boot.  We never had a _chance_ of getting the ten million…”                Jet smiled.

    “I told you…the ten million was just a means to an end. This…oh, this _was_ the _end_.”

    He gestured towards the serving girls.

    “We’ve got the mansions, the girls, the money, the status- we’re retiring in _style_ , baby! Who cares if Yuna- sorry, _Katara_ \- was never a princess? This is better than I ever could have imagined- and certainly better than _you_ imagined.”

    Jet laughed.

    “Why, you thought we’d be _broke_!”

    Zuko frowned.

    “By all rights we _should_ be broke right now,” he said, “It’s only sheer luck that we turned out to be who we are. And I can’t imagine our former victims will be happy to hear about this. Especially not Lord and Lady Beifong- after all, we did help her daughter run away, and said daughter was _blind_ to boot-”

    “Stop!” Jet commanded. “As prince of the Earth Kingdom, I demand you stop this immediately. You’re reminding me way too much of my Freedom Fighter days, and I never want to be reminded of those ever again. Besides- that blind girl was the most freakishly powerful Earthbender in the world. We did her a _service_ getting her away from those corrupt fools.”

    “They were her-”

    “Stop,” Jet insisted. “No more. Stop being honor-bound, uptight Officer Li for a second, won’t you? In fact, why don’t you stop for the rest of your life? You are _Prince Zuko_ now. Enjoy the pretty girls bathing you and putting their hands all over your…”

    Jet stopped, for the girl bathing him had moved on to massaging and washing his neck. He lowered his head and all his speech devolved into a series of moans and sighs of sheer bliss.

    Zuko half smiled. He had to admit, it was nice seeing Jet so relaxed in this way. Most of the time, when he was calm, it was because he was being sarcastic or attempting to scam someone. Emotional honesty and vulnerability was not exactly common amongst men in their profession- or men in general, come to think of it.

    And Jet did have a point. Seeing the serving girls moving about gave Zuko a strange feeling of arousal and pleasure, especially in his groin. And that particular serving girl whose hands were running through his hair, scrubbing and massaging it- oh, her hands were _magic_. He could hear the girl having many unkind things to say about the state of said hair under her breath, but he couldn’t care less. She could say whatever she wanted, so long as she kept doing what she was doing.

    She didn’t, though. She had the neck and shoulders to get to next, but that felt even better. So did the back, and his arms, and his feet, and his calves.

    “Oh, man, why couldn’t we have found out we were royalty _sooner_?” Jet sighed. “Could have saved a _lot_ of time.”

    “I know, right?” Zuko moaned. “All that time running about, scamming people out of their money, trying to make ends meet-it all could have been avoided.”

    “I’m just glad you’re not about to be executed,” Jet replied with a laugh.

    Zuko chuckled.

    “I’m glad _you’re_ not about to go to prison,” he said.

    And then it hit him. Zuko’s eyes widened as he started up from the bath and accepted a towel from one of the serving girls.

    “What?” Jet asked. “What is it?”

    “You might still go to prison,” he realized. “My father might send you to prison.”

    Jet snorted.

    “All the way from the Fire Nation? I don’t think so. Plus he’d have to go through Ba Sing Se first.”

    “He might not have to,” Zuko told him as he dried himself off. “My sister is here. She could very well be planning to take Ba Sing Se from the inside. From what I remember, she’s a ruthless, cold-hearted, manipulative genius, so if that’s the case, she has every chance of succeeding.”

     Zuko took a deep breath in as he let a servant dress him in a green silk dressing gown.

    “Your cousin could very well be dead right now,” he gasped.

    “L-Zuko, _stop_ ,” Jet ordered. “You’re being paranoid.”

    “You’re telling me not to be worried about a Fire Nation princess?”

    Zuko laughed sharply.

    “That’s rich.”

    “I’m not telling you to trust her,” Jet said, stepping out of the bath and accepting a towel. “I’m telling you not to panic. Keep in mind, she just discovered you exist. I think her mind is a bit preoccupied right now. I know _mine_ is.”

    Zuko sighed.

    “You’re right. We’re probably not in any danger right now. But that doesn’t mean…”

    “Doesn’t mean what?” Jet asked as he finished drying off and donned a dressing gown.

    “I love you, Jet,” Zuko said, tears in his eyes.

    “You…you what?”

    Zuko’s face burned.

    “Uh…if you don’t feel that way, uh, it’s ok, I, uh, understand…”

    “I do,” Jet replied, breathless. “I just didn’t think _you_ did.”

    “You…you feel the same way?”

    “Yes,” Jet gasped. “Kiss me, you honor-bound fool.”

    And with that, Jet leaned in, grabbed Zuko’s face, and kissed him.

    Zuko relaxed immediately, dropping his shoulders as he tilted his head slightly and kissed back. He could feel Jet’s hand grabbing his hair and running his fingers through it, which only made things even better. Slowly, Zuko extended his hand and grabbed him by the waist, feeling and caressing the small of Jet’s back through the dressing gown.

    Soon there was nothing in the world but the two of them, and everything was a messy, pleasurable blur of skin, silk and lips. Nothing else mattered, except for this tender consummation, this sweet, sweet release of long-repressed feelings.

    When it was over they separated from each other slowly, staring awkwardly at each other they did. Jet then broke into a huge grin and tied his dressing gown together. Zuko grinned and did the same with his dressing gown. The two then allowed themselves to be escorted by the servants to their quarters to be dressed for the feast.

    What? You didn’t seriously think I would keep piling on the homoerotic subtext without payoff, did you?  This is fan fiction, not mainstream media. Of _course_ there was going to be payoff. Fan fiction is renowned all over the world for being the most reliable source of queer representation in media.

    Eventually, they had to attend the feast, which ended up being quite an ordeal for Jet. For as much he liked being lauded and bowed and scraped to by servants, he found himself sitting on a huge political dilemma.

    For now that he knew about Long Feng’s activities as evil, conniving chancellor and creator of your standard deceitful dystopia, he _had_ to tell his cousin Kuei. He couldn’t very well let his cousin-as well as the entire capital- be kept in the dark about the war and expect anything good to come of it. At the same time, the very people Jet should be warning him about were sitting beside them as honored guests. Informing him might cause an even _bigger_ war. Not to mention, if the Fire Nation royals currently smiling and nodding along were forced to take sides, they might just end up stringing Zuko along with them. They’d be torn apart, lovers on opposite sides of a war neither started.

     _Man_ , Jet thought to himself. _Nuance is a bitch. I miss my Freedom Fighter days_.

    That was another thing. How would he explain the Freedom Fighters to Kuei? Gosh- it was all so complicated- just too much for one man to solve.

    And then he remembered he was capable of contacting a cosmic entity capable of changing plot to suit its own whims.

     _Hey_ , Jet thought up to me. _Isn’t this supposed to be a princess story?_ _What’s with all this hard politics all of a sudden?_

     _What on earth do you mean?_ I asked him, grinning from ear to ear.

     _Well, we’ve discovered who Katara is, we’ve got the money and status, Azula’s been defeated-ish...Zuko and I are in a relationship right now, so I guess the romance part is solved too_ , Jet explained. _All the plots are solved- isn’t this the end?_

     _Yes,_ I told him. _Yes, it is._

     _So why isn’t there a happily ever after? Why don’t you narrate the Fire Nation crumbling to dust or the Fire Lord having a heart attack and Zuko ruling long and well after him and give us a couple of adopted babies or something? Why do I still have to solve the political stuff? This is a princess story, right? No political stuff allowed?_

    He was indeed right. A princess story does not allow for politics. No matter how progressive the story, the duties of a monarch, succession crises, international relations, and other such things will never be brought up. So long as a princess has her crown, her sparkly dress, and her prince by the end, and the villain is defeated, the plot is resolved. By the laws of princess stories, I should not be torturing him any longer.

    But he has forgotten one important rule. A princess story needs a _princess_ to star in it. And there aren’t any more princesses in this story. At least, not any princess _protagonists_.

    Instead, the protagonists are _male_ royals. The rules of princess stories thus do not apply to this story any more. Therefore, I can do whatever I like in regards to politics. The characters can also do whatever they like in regards to politics.

    I can put as many succession crises, evil politicians who are actually interested in power and politics, as much war, and administrative duties as I want now. Oh, pity these poor characters!

    I could, for example, decide to narrate that Azula learned of the relationship between Jet and Zuko, arranged for them to marry, and then poisoned every single adult member of the Earth Kingdom royal dynasty, leaving Zuko as the de facto regent.

    Or that Kuei found out the truth, executed Long Feng, and evicted the Fire Nation royals from his palace as he openly declared war on them. Thus forcing Jet and Zuko apart, just as Jet feared. Or simply that he chose to take Azula, Zuko, and Iroh hostage in exchange for the Fire Lord promising to end his imperial conquest.

    Oh, the delicious possibilities!

    Why did I not put such glorious, intriguing plot in before, you ask? Why did I torture you with pretty dresses, inane sideplots, and clichéd romance triangles?

    The answer is simple. Because that’s what most writers do in a princess story, and in literature geared towards women in general. When it comes to female royals, people tend to forget that being a monarch is more than wish fulfillment. They think _princess_ and think about dresses, love, and fluff.  This is true of old fairy tales, whose lady protagonists were often only children of a king with no stated relatives, who marry foreign princes willy-nilly without a thought as to what that will do to their country. It is also true of modern media, who, despite their more effective, engaging heroines, still fill their stories with fluff and politely sidestep whatever administrative duties or politics that come with being a royal.

    Why should anyone care, though? _It’s just a story_. It’s only a _collection of stories_. That introduce people to new ideas and philosophies, explain complex concepts in ways people can understand, or simply reiterate and confirm old ideas. Why should anyone care if said ideas, concepts, and philosophies are _bad_? It’s not like learning bad lessons makes it more likely for people to do bad things!

    Besides, being careful as to what we teach people through media is _hard_. Irresponsibility is much more fun! And it’s not like the audience has a right to quality story-telling or anything! No, people fork over their hard-earned money because they want to be exposed to something they know is bad! People love getting low-quality products for high prices!

    However, I _have_ wrapped up all the plot points. The romance is solved, Katara knows who she is, and both our con men-turned-princes will never have any financial problems ever again. It would only be fair to end the story here.

    However, fanfiction writers don’t believe in fair. Also, I’ve only wrapped up the ridiculous plot points. This fanfic is not a fanfic of a universe of sheer fluff, after all. We still have the _real_ plot to contend with. And so we shall.

    Remember that blurb at the beginning, where Katara and Sokka were accompanying Aang on a quest to save the world? Well, while everyone else was at the feat, the sibling duo decided to sneak out and reunite with Aang. They did so successfully, and found that Aang had mastered Firebending in the meantime. However, he had yet to master Earthbending, but luckily they found a blind girl by the name of Toph Beifong to help them out with that.

    After the feast, Jet requested a private audience with Kuei, where he informed Kuei of Long Feng’s true nature, as well as the fact that the Fire Nation was trying to conquer the Earth Kingdom. Horrified by both of these facts, Kuei immediately had Long Feng executed, and the dystopian Ba Sing Se became less dystopian. Before he did anything rash with the Fire Nation, however, Jet pointed out that he was in love with Zuko, and suggested they could use this to their diplomatic advantage.

    Speaking of Zuko, he, Azula, and Iroh returned to the Fire Nation without incident, and the Fire Lord Ozai welcomed them all with open arms, including and especially Zuko.

     Yes, I am aware that in the actual show that he was a horrible father with no love for Zuko. Do not worry; in the world of this fanfic, Iroh did indeed warn Zuko of that little fact. But even the most awful fathers’ hearts can be softened by the return of a child they assumed was dead. Although in Ozai’s case, it wasn’t softened _that_ much.

    Fortunately for Zuko and everyone else, Fire Lord Ozai did not live long enough to do much damage.  It turned out that there really were Earth Kingdom infiltrators in the Fire Nation capital, although kidnapping children was _not_ on their agenda. Assassinating the Fire Lord, however, _was_. And so Ozai died of a knife to the throat just after the feast celebrating his son’s return. A tragic end, but not enough so that he deserves any pity for it.

    This assassination _almost_ caused even more war, had it not been for three things. One, the fact that like Jet’s Freedom Fighters, the infiltrators had no ties to anyone but themselves. Not the king, not Long Feng, _nobody_. Two, _Iroh_ was the one who succeeded Ozai. Not the formerly amnesiac Zuko, not the now-grieving Azula, _Iroh_. And if anyone knows anything about Iroh, it’s that he doesn’t like war. Three, the publics of both nations immediately fell in love with the Romeo and Juliet-esque relationship of Zuko and Jet, which both sides were more than happy to exploit in the negotiations.

    So, with King Kuei not really being responsible, with the peace-loving Iroh and the mortified Kuei being the leaders in question, and with diplomats on both sides, Azula _especially_ , yanking Jet and Zuko’s future around for their own benefit, peace was eventually established.

    The war was officially over, the Fire Nation returned half the land it had taken from the Earth Kingdom, and Jet and Zuko attained a lifestyle of flip-flopping between both countries. As a result, they became extremely popular with both sets of citizens. However, this very popularity would also end up posing a problem- namely, the problem of the Fire Nation succession. For, if Zuko were to succeed Iroh, and Jet were to permanently take up residence in the Fire Nation, it could potentially rub the Earth Kingdom citizens the wrong way- because of course, after a century of war, hard feelings will always result no matter how good the diplomats are. The problem was solved by having Azula succeed Iroh, and while not nearly as peace-loving as Iroh, she was much less war-mongering than she could have been, and her reign was marked by relative peace alongside her uncle’s.

    And so, in this peaceful climate, Aang became the Avatar and fulfilled his duties, and  Sokka and Katara rebuilt the Southern Water Tribe. Hahn rebuilt the Northern Water Tribe, and, despite all that could have gone wrong, they lived, as traditional fairy tales say, happily ever after.  

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